Joshini.Uninspired

its been some time...

2011-12-08T14:04:00.000+08:00

...since i've found enough inspiration to write.

What happened?? I guess everything thing else took importance and at the end of the day I was too tired to pen my thoughts.

Have I now found my sought after inspiration? Not really but I realised that its nice to just purge out the random manged thoughts in my head. I basically needed an avenue. Here. Perfect.

my word

2011-07-26T16:03:00.000+08:00

Apparently every city has a word. A word as in another name that the city is called/described with. Nope, not another concept I conjured up with... Was watching "Eat Pray Love" and this was something discussed in the movie (also the book).

On a separate note, I tried reading the book but I felt it was such a drag. I dragged myself through Italy and once she landed in India, I quit! I know this book by Elizabeth Gilbert was highly praised to say the least but it just wasn't my cup of tea. I think the story was truly remarkable, but the style of writing was very long-winded. By the time she got to the end of describing something, I forget what the something is in the first place! Of course, this is only my opinion of the book and I know many others have enjoyed it thoroughly.

So I opted for the movie and there was this scene where she would be asked, "What's your word?" And I've been pondering since last nite... So what is MY Word? Do I have a Word???

could Greg Behrendt be right?

2011-07-06T13:51:00.000+08:00

that he is just not that into you?

I actually bought this book a couple of years back. But someone borrowed it and never gave me back. I tried asking them a couple of times, but to no avail... And now I am not interested to ask or get the book back from this person. So I went out and bought a new one. (I've also learned the lesson of not letting anyone have my books anymore!) An expanded version nonetheless

What I like most about this book is the honest, no-nonsense approach. Sometimes, I find it a bit harsh but in retrospect, it does seem to make sense. Its especially handy when we start making excuses for certain apparently "unexplainable" behaviour of the opposite sex. Its all explainable! Its us who sometimes are in such denial when faced with the object of our affection/love/lust!

So yes, I've stop making excuses, stopped analysing what I could have done wrong and tell myself, "He is just not that into me!" Its nothing personal.

psst... i have a secret...

2011-07-04T14:14:00.000+08:00

I am gonna be Aunty Jo again!!

Totally unexpected and pleasantly surprised!

*Yippity Yeay!*

Joshini John wants company...

2011-06-27T10:24:00.000+08:00

... in a form of a four-legged furry creature!

I want a doggy!

Since leaving my aunt's place in Klang, I have been missing Natalie quite dearly. Natalie is my aunt's 4 year old Yorkshire Terrier who is an absolute darling! I had grown quite close to her and my routine use to include cuddling up with her on the couch.

Couple of weekends back I went over and there she was, the ever adorable bitch bouncing on her back two feet! I was so tempted to smuggle her out of the house in my bag. I knew those big handbags I carry must come in handy sometime! My conscience got the better of me (or it could be the potential lawsuit) and I didn't think it was the wisest think to do.

So I've decided to get myself one. Was thinking about a Jack Russell or a Silky/Yorkshire Terrier... So if anyone knows some puppies out there who needs a loving home, let me know! =)

a quandarry

2011-06-22T10:18:00.000+08:00

I have about 3 or 4 entries on my Journey to Not-Buying-Shoes-for-a-Year.

I came about this silly vow to myself when I realised that I had 23 pairs of shoes and still feel I have not had enough. I started questioning - how many is enough?

However, as of my last entry, I could sense the frustration among my friends growing. Dena is short of saying. "Go and buy yourself a damn shoe already!" Its true, even my frustration is growing! Especially after my Ipanema gave way.

So why am I still holding on to a promise I made myself, when I am itching away to just go and get 'em? Simply because its a promise. Unlike popular culture, I do not believe that promises are made to be broken... Bullshit! Promises are your words/intention to someone, anyone, even if its just you. And a man (or woman) is only as good as her words...

So yes, I will keep holding on! And everytime I feel an itch... I will revisit this entry! =P

i could not help it

2011-06-20T13:49:00.000+08:00

I tried not thinking about my shoes... But another 2 just gave way... And one of it is my fantabulously favourite one =(

So here goes, my list:

1) Black Work Shoes
2) Brown Work Shoes
3) Purple Strappy Heels
4) Black Strappy Heels
5) Brown Strappy Heels
6) Green Strappy Heels
7) White & Red Sneakers
8) White & Blue Sneakers
9) Bronze Work Shoes
10) Black Sandals
11) White & Black Sandals
12) Knee High Boots
13) Batik Slippers
14) Pyramid Slippers
15) Purple Slippers

Now I am really sad that my Ipanema gave way! Its June now and I have another 2 months to go before I can buy my next pair!

I lost 8 pairs in this journey so far. I am already beginning to feel the itch! I need a gold, white and silver pair each!

singing the blues

2011-06-10T09:04:00.000+08:00

The past 2 days have been particularly blue...

*song sung blue, everybody knows one... as in queue, this song starts playing in my head*

Stop Neil Diamond stop! Urgh...

Anyways, blue as in down. My usual optimism acquiring speakers at work did not see through. I felt restless, low and all over the place. I could not focus. I wanted to roam the roads of KL... doing nothing.

After a very long time, I am feeling like that. It could be I am just very tired, surviving with about 6 hours of sleep each night. Or it could be the Post-MS (is there such a thing? if not can I coin it as my own?)

Today will be a much better day! I know it! I can feel it! =)

the one i take for granted the most...

2011-05-30T14:06:00.000+08:00

I am generally a nice person. To most people. Of course there are those bitchy moments that cannot be avoided.

But there is this one person that I have taken for granted so much. All through out his life. I never realised how mean I have been to him and how I've always shoved him aside. In my mind, he was annoying. That's it. Period.

UVENDRAN JOHN, I do care for you. But I guess I am not the most expressive person in the world. I am working on it. And as a start, I will make a conscious effort to speak nicely! Let's not expect too much k..?

-xoxo-

and the list continues...

2011-03-28T16:14:00.001+08:00

The last update on my shoes were 2 months ago. More has worn n torn... But I am still managing.

The best part is I realised before taking the vow, whenever there was an upcoming dinner, I would scan the shoes that I have and decide that there is not a matching pair! But now, I somehow am able to match the outfit with the limited shoes that I have. So the question is: How many pairs is enough?

MY (UPDATED) SHOE LIST:

1) Black Work Shoes

2) Brown Work Shoes

3) White Flats

4) Black Strappy Heels

5) Brown Strappy Heels

6) Green Strappy Heels

7) Purple Strappy Heels

8) White & Blue Sneakers

9) White & Red Sneakers

10) Bronze Work Shoes

11) White & Black Sandals

12) Ipanema Sandals

13) Black Sandals

14) Knee High Boots

15) Purple Slippers

16) Batik Slippers

17) Pyramid Slippers

17! A drop from 23! I still have 5 months to go!

John Mayer - Perfectly Lonely (Still on Repeat!)

2011-03-14T14:25:00.000+08:00

lonely? perfectly nonetheless!

2011-03-11T17:02:00.000+08:00

I left home right before I turned 20 to go to university in Sabah. During my studies in Sabah, I would only come home on average twice a year. After completing my degree, I came to KL to work. And that's where I have been since.

I have been fortunate enough to travel to many different countries; mostly for business. Sometimes, I only have myself as a companion on these travels. It never have consciously crossed my mind, on how much time I spend with myself, alone, with me.

Having been single for some time, and living alone in a condo, I often get asked, "Doesn't it get lonely?" Of course it does... but before I can add - "not in a bad way", my audience would already have sympathy in their eyes coupled with an empathetic nod.

Wait a minute. Huh? What did I miss?

A lot of these people are people who have never actually lived alone. They are mostly those who lived with their parents all their teenage life, went to the closest college and then got married and moved in with their spouses. It almost seems rather unfair to pass a judgement on someone who is living alone. Why the sympathy when you do not have the slightest idea on how that would be?

I never have found the exact words to set the record straight either. How do I explain something you FEEL to someone who never was had the opportunity to have experienced the situation?

And then I heard John Mayer crooning... Perfectly Lonely.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwW9tLfy2oQ

Now that perfectly explains it all. =)

worry tomorrow

2011-03-07T18:02:00.000+08:00

On my 19th birthday, a dear friend had given me a book called "Out of the Blue: Delight Comes into our Lives".

It was a very motivating book about making life more delightful. After pages and pages of inspiring stories about the motivation to live and to take on life's challenges, the book also came up with 52 ideas on how we can try to adapt a more positive outlook in life.

One of such idea is "Worry Tomorrow". The concept is rather simple - when you find yourself immersed in worry, just consciously tell yourself that you would not be able to do anything about the outcome of the problem right now and you shall worry about it tomorrow instead. Most of the time, when you step back from a problem, you tend to see the bigger picture and perception sets in where you realise there is no reason to worry in the first place.

A lot of us are born worriers. I am no better. Half the time I worry about things that are beyond my control. I adapted this theory and yes, it does saves me a lot of sleepless nights. And when tomorrow comes, I realise there is nothing really to worry about in the first place!

Yugeash Varma, my darling

2011-02-11T15:29:00.000+08:00

Introducing you to Yugeash Varma:

Absolutely adorable isn't he?

He is Shoba Chechi's son. He is turning 5 this year. My amour... n he loves me! How do I know, you may ask... Ask anyone from The Family and they will vouch for me!

We attended Thari's Valakappu (Baby Shower) the other night. Tradition has it that the married women will bless the mother-to-be by rubbing sandalwood paste on her face and put on a couple of glass bangles for her. The sounds of the glass bangles are suppose to reach the womb and invoke the senses of the baby.

Being the only single and fabulous female around my age at the function, I made myself busy by helping out with the caterers and kitchen. Yugeash came running to the kitchen looking for me.

"Joshi cheriamma, Joshi cheriamma! What you doing here? Come... come faster. They will call you to do the thing for Thari Amma soon."

Since its an affair only for the married, I replied him, "No, no... They will not call me to do for Thari Amma".

"Why? You will go by yourself is it? They no need to call you?"

Oh gosh! How do I explain to him? "No, no, I will not do it..."

He looked at me weird... Then asked, " You will do it later?"

"No... I cannot do it at all..."
"Oh... Why?"
"Because I am not married."
"You are not married so they wont let you do?"

I nodded, thinking that he had finally gotten it. However, the 5 year old mind is not done yet though...

"But you have John Tata and Ammama... You married right?"
"No, darling. They are my parents. When I get married I will have a husband."

He held my hands and we walked to the living room where the ceremony is held. He looked like he had a million things running through his lil' head. I heard him mutter under his breathe "A husband..."

He finally went to his mom and asked, "Amma, why is Joshi cheriamma not married?" just loud enough for the other old aunties to hear. Everyone had a shocked looked on their faces.

"Well my dear... That you must ask only Joshi cheriamma..."

my shoes: UPDATE

2011-01-25T14:39:00.000+08:00

Keeping my vow to not buy shoes for a year, I realised that I dont have enough shoes. How? you may ask.

Well, shoes wear and tear. And when they tear I have to throw them out. So currently, there is no input; only output.

To keep track of what I have (and what I would need to buy after August 2011...=P), here I present to you...

MY (UPDATED) SHOE LIST:
1) Black Work Shoes
2) Brown Work Shoes
3) White Flats
4) Pakistani Flats
5) Black Strappy Heels
6) Brown Strappy Heels
7) Green Strappy Heels
8) Purple Strappy Heels
10) White & Blue Sneakers
11) White & Red Sneakers
12) Bronze Work Shoes
13) White & Black Sandals
14) Ipanema Sandals
15) Black Sandals
16) Knee High Boots
17) Purple Slippers
18) Batik Slippers
19) Butterfly Slippers
20) Pyramid Slippers

Hhmm... reduced by 2 since Sept 2010...

mi casa...

2011-01-25T14:23:00.000+08:00

I finally found a place in KL! Yeay! In Taman Desa nonetheless! Can I be anymore excited?

I simply love the new condo. I would really like to keep the place for myself but the last few months have been financially not too great. So a housemate is in order!

I have 2 rooms to rent out and found someone interested in one already. So one more room; one more housemate!

So many people has come forward and offered help, either physically, mentally or materially... I feel so blessed. =)

my sister's keeper...

2011-01-19T14:41:00.000+08:00

I accidentally stumbled upon this movie playing on HBO on Monday night. I usually dont come home early enough to watch anything but these days, with nothing else to do, with no one to see and with not much money to go around, I have been religiously in front of the tv at 7.30pm!

I have came across the book so many times. At first I thought it was a book about scandalous sisters living in sin (think The Other Boleyn Girl). Jodi Picoult? Really?

Of course not! How far from reality I was. Anyways, I never really got to reading it.

So as I sat with some thosai and dhal in front of the tv, I wasnt sure I wanted to watch it. I never watch a movie before reading the book unless I do not have the intention of reading the book at all. I am anal like that. =P

The movie started and I fingers were drenched with dhal thus making it difficult for me to change the channel.
So I watched.

And cried. My eyeballs. Out.

For those who know me well enough that I am not really the crying type... Not for a movie, not for a book. not really at funerals either.

But My Sister's Keeper was so heart wrenching and emotional.

Broken Strings...

2010-12-24T09:55:00.001+08:00

Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last chance to feel again
But you broke me, now I can't feel anything

When I love you and so untrue
I can't even convince myself
When I'm speaking it's the voice of someone else

Oh, it tears me up
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it's not enough
To make it all okay

You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh, the truth hurts and lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before?

Oh, what are we doing?
We are turning into dust
Playing house in the ruins of us

Running back through the fire
When there's nothing left to say
It's like chasing the very last train
When it's too late, too late

Oh, it tears me up
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it's not enough
To make it all okay

You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh, the truth hurts and lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before?

But we're running through the fire
When there's nothing left to say
It's like chasing the very last train
When we both know it's too late, too late

You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh, the truth hurts and lies worse
So how can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before?
Oh, you know that I love you a little less than before

Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last chance to feel again

a year has already past!

2010-12-24T09:43:00.000+08:00

In a week, its year end.

I remember January 2010... But thats about it. Everything else is a blur.

what a weekend!

2010-11-28T20:29:00.000+08:00

22^nd November 2010

Wagas – Qibao – weird Ugly Betty lookalike girl in the subway – lots of picture taking – lots of cheap accessories – Awesome Thai Lunch – Gap (and I didn’t buy anything) – home – sex and the city marathon – new hair cut – KFC twister – Max Pub – band – magazine – free drinks – crappy pool – cab – confused driver – more beer – 39G – Glee – confused lunch – beautiful view – coffee - home.

ladies’ night ala Shanghai!

2010-11-28T19:57:00.000+08:00

19^th November 2010

Last night, the girls in Shanghai organized a Ladies’ Night, after hearing me lament that I would like to check out the night scene but do not have anyone to go with me. Thank you so much girls!!

Monday

The plan started on Monday when Marianna sent me a list of happenings in Shanghai from this website: http://www.smartshanghai.com/events/upcoming/index.php?tag=ladiesnight. So we went through the list and picked out the possible exciting ones and finally narrowed it down to The Apartment.

Wednesday

So we hashed out the plan on Wednesday, and we will meet at The Apartment at 9pm. I will meet Marianna up first (as we live 15 mins walking distance away from each other) and take a cab there. Ella has dinner plans and right after dinner she would come join us. CC would head home and have dinner with her parents and meet up there. So there we have it – THE PLAN.

However, there was one problem – I had nothing to wear. Boss exclaimed, “You brought a 20kg luggage for 20 days and you have nothing to wear?? How is that possible?”

Well, for one, I am a girl and two, I packed for work in winter. How would I know I would meet awesome company for ladies night?

Marianna, being the darling she is, suggested that we go shopping at the Superbrand Mall before heading back to her place to have dinner and get ready. Yeay! Superbrand Mall is the mall that I had wanted to go to but Boss would not follow me there as “he doesn’t like that place”.

Thursday

Right after work, we hailed a cab and got to the mall. We checked out a few places for tops and dresses. Shopping that day made me depressed. Yes, I know I’ve gained some weight but the retail industry has stopped making clothes for people with hips! My hips didn’t lie about the chocolates and the cheese cakes. As a matter of fact, it flaunted it. And I could not find anything that would cover it nicely… =(

We finally came out with a tube dress and some skin colour stockings from H&M. It’s gorgeous and dressy and sexy. Perfect for clubs and dinner parties. Can’t wait to get back to KL and put them on!

Marianna’s boyfriend cooked a very nice dinner. After dinner, we scrambled to get ready as CC was already on the way there! We got there half an hour later and apologized profusely at CC. After a couple of drinks, toasts and a fishbowl later, all was forgotten and I had an amazing night! Just girls… and I could not have asked for a better date. =)

L-R: Me, Marianna & CC

CC & the fishbowl

Me & CC drinking from the fishbowl

Yummiest Cosmopolitan in a fishbowl

Me & Marianna

Marianna & her million dollar smile =)

A toast to awesome company with diverse background and language... muaxx

I do not have enough clothes!

2010-11-28T19:29:00.000+08:00

6^th November 2010

Nope, this is not the typical dilemma of every city-living-20-something-year-old women. I do not have a cupboard full of clothes with nothing to wear. I just do not have enough clothes. How did this happen to Joshini John? I used to have so many clothes that I would not need to wear the same thing twice for 30 days!

I jogged my memory a little and realized that I have not gone shopping since March 2008. Now there was where the problem lied. March 2008 was when I resigned form marcus evans and was offered to join VMAC instead. And somewhere within that same year, when I shifted to my own room, I realized just how much clothes I had (its sort of the same realization I had about my shoes and handbags a month back). That was when I decided I was not going to shop anymore. I have bought a couple of tops here and there but I have not gone for proper shopping to update my cupboard since March 2008!

And that is how now I just do not have enough tops and shirts and t-shirts. =(

Shop in China???? Hhmm… now that sounds like a plan!

my 18 days in Shanghai

2010-11-28T19:23:00.001+08:00

1^st November 2010

Yes, it was decided that I would spend 18 days in Shanghai to train and guide the new producers there. My Production Department had been in a bit of a dilemma – we can’t seem to hire the right people for the job in KL. We tried many different things to fill the void – from raising the salary to being lax on the datelines (something I personally do not agree with) – but we just could not manage to find high quality candidates in Malaysia.

As such, Boss had put out an advertisement for the Shanghai office instead. He managed to hire 3 producers within a couple of weeks. So, we decided that we stop hiring in KL for producers and I would concentrate on the Operations Department instead. I sort of like doing operations because after close to five years doing Production, any change is welcomed.

My flights are booked, my files are checked and I am pretty much ready for the trip except I have not started packing. That should not be too difficult. Mom is going to bring so some clothes back from Ipoh so I would need to wait for that as well.

Shanghai for work… Ooo, I’m excited!

my handbags

2010-10-21T12:37:00.000+08:00

Now that I have a list for my shoes, I've decided to put a list on for handbags! Hehe...

MY HANDBAG LIST
1) Green Indian Buffalo Skin
2) Black by Primavera
3) Brown Blings by Guess
4) Stripes by Avon
5) Gold Clutch by Nose
6) Gold Sling by Avon
7) Black Clutch from Penang
8) Brown Clutch by Seed
9) Bronze Sling from Thailand
10) Blinged Sling from India
11) Red by Avon'
12) Pink & Black by Avon

12... Now that's not very much...

I've made a vow to not buy anymore handbags for the next 2 years and no more shoes for the next 1 year. I made this pledge with Kawan being my witness in early September 2010.

Progress Report: So far I have not felt any itch to add any more handbags or shoes to my collection. I survived a month and a half! =)

my shoes

2010-09-22T18:53:00.000+08:00

Out of curiosity, my colleague had asked me the other day how many pairs of shoes I have. She has 3 in total. "3?!?! Only 3?!?!" I gasped in astonishment.

So we started listing down how many pairs I had. Since all my fingers and toes would not be enough to tally the numbers, we took out a piece of paper and started writing!

So, presenting you...

MY SHOE LIST:
1) Black Work Shoes
2) Brown Work Shoes
3) White Flats
4) Pakistani Flats
5) Black Strappy Heels
6) Brown Strappy Heels
7) Green Strappy Heels
8) Purple Strappy Heels
10) White & Blue Sneakers
11) White & Red Sneakers
12) Grey Walking Shoes
13) Bronze Work Shoes
14) White & Black Sandals
15) Gold Dinner Sandals
16) Ipanema Sandals
17) Black Sandals
18) Knee High Boots
19) Purple Slippers
20) Batik Slippers
21) Butterfly Slippers

emo me

2010-09-01T18:20:00.000+08:00

I've been getting all emotional lately, for reasons that would not usually affect me.

=(

Emo me? Getting in touch with my more feminine side?

tick tock, tick tock...

2010-09-01T18:13:00.003+08:00

After a long long time, I was chatting with Tava a couple of weeks back and here is the excerpt from the conversation:

me: so has your parents looked for a mappilai for you already?
mtava13: no la, they have been lazy...
me: which is good, right?
mtava13: hehe, yes! how bout u dear? when is the bell gonna ring?
me: the only ringing i hear is from my biological clock!
mtava13: lol
me: the more i hear it the more i start thinking nonsenses. so im turning a deaf ear now. hehe

So yea, I hear the ticking at the back of my head. It comes and goes. I pretend its my alarm call. Oh wait, I don't have an alarm clock.

*frowns*

my super sweet sixteen and p.i.m.p my ride!

2010-08-06T12:33:00.000+08:00

Date: 24 July 2010
Time: 7.30pm
Place: Nathan's Residence, Klang

Purani's Sixteenth Birthday! She is 16! I am still coming in terms with that! Time sure flies. I remember her as a baby... puking all over me! And now she is 16!! Sweet 16!! And a sweet darling she sure is!

It was also Kavin's 15th birthday! OMG! That boy has grown up so fast! My little baby a big grown man now. He is even sporting a moustache now!

that is the crowd... err.. i mean the family...

actually its only half of the family... i wont blame you if you think that there was a General Election going on...

Purani's cake... gorgeous ain't it?! Baked by Thari. She takes orders as well for customised cakes.

Kavin's cake. =)

A better view of Kavin's cake... Boys will be boys!

No birthday celebration is complete in The Family if we do not embarass the birthday girl/boy. So Thari bought some masks and the Birthday Girl and Boy were to only come in dancing to a specific theme song chosen for them. Hehe.

after the kids had their fun with the mask, the parents wanted to try 'em on as well...

Yup, both their parents...

hehe... like mother, like son eh?

sisters

2010-08-02T12:40:00.000+08:00

U see those two by my side? One on the left and one on the right?

Those are my awesome-est, funniest, caring-est, and coolest cousins ever! Those two are the closest that I would ever be to having sisters!

We have shared many many times together:

times when we were bullied...

times we were just happy... and wet...

and times we were just plain dramatic...

Sometimes, we just like posing for pictures!

And... You know what... U see this one here:

Subha

She... is.... PREGGERS!!!

And you see this other one:

Thari

She... is.... also... PREGGERS!!!

OMG! Double whammy and I am gonna be an Aunt again.... And you can ask any kid at home and they will tell you that "AUNTY JO ROCKS!"

frowns

2010-07-28T12:55:00.000+08:00

More irritable stuff happened. In a matter of a couple of hours, I am back here.

I wish he had not called.

Sometimes I wish I could tell him to go. Just go. Go and babysit the rest of the world.

*sulk + pout*

relax, jo, relax...

2010-07-28T11:12:00.001+08:00

*sigh*

*sigh some more*

*inhales deeply.... exhales*

*sips hot green tea*

I am so wound up. There... I got that off my chest.

It took me more than 30 seconds to actually type out the first sentence. I was feeling all tensed up and I realised that since last night the slightest thing is beginning to irritate me. I know this feeling. I know the consequences of this feeling.

Nope, I am not going to let it get out of hand this time around. That is why I quietly came back to my seat, opened my blog and typed out the title. Even if nothing else came to my mind, I knew I had to relax.

So why... why suddenly this feeling of annoyance?

I don't know. *pout*

I really think there is a bigger picture here. I know I have been blaming the jam and the ridiculously long hours needed to travel to work, but coming to think of it, even when I do not have to endure the long hours on the road I am still not very happy. I am still irritable. I am everything that I don't want to be. I mean seriously, how fun is irritable? Not much eh...

I don't like this feeling either; the all too tensed, too wound up feeling.

The first step to recovery is knowing that you have a problem. So, looks like I've accomplished the first step pretty darn well! Now. How do I get over this all too tensed up, wound up feeling??

Relax, Jo, relax...

the move

2010-07-22T19:03:00.000+08:00

There is just so much going on in my mind right now.

Remember what I said about thinking about moving back to KL? I have insanely now conjured up an image of me moving back to Ipoh! Or even Kuala Kangsar. The thoughts that city life is not for me has come up a million times! From the first day I came to KL for my internship, right up to about 39 seconds ago, I've always longed to move to a town where people were not so much in a hurry.

Ok, now back to Ipoh:
I have my parents house in Ipoh. So accommodation - checked! How am I gonna pay for my car then? I could get a normal-not-so-ambitious job in a quaint office that will pay me enough to cover my basic expense and my bills. My bills... I don't know why but my cost of living and expenditures in KL are actually quite high! Urgh... and with Ipoh's salary range, how am I gonna merely cover those?!

*Jo in full fledged panic mode*

I could finally pursue what I would love to do though. Teach in a kindergarten. Yup, that's what I would eventually like to get involved with. Seems unlikely for a person suffering from OCD like me? Oh well.

I am actually a sucker for kids and dogs. And right now I have neither. *sulk*

Since I have none of my own, I could resort to 2 things - a) get a job that would require me to work with them; and b) steal some poor unassuming mother's cute bundle of joy when she bends down to pick up the pacifier. The latter might land me in some trouble with the law, so for now, I will go with the more rational choice.

I have no qualification and just very lil' experience working with kids. I have loads of patience and compassion though. Would that be sufficient to get me a job that I would enjoy and help me pay my bills while I live in my childhood room in my parents house?

moving and shaking?

2010-07-22T10:57:00.000+08:00

I have been contemplating a lot lately about moving out of Klang. Don't get me wrong, I quite enjoy coming back home to my aunt and the kids and having someone ask me how my day was. I also enjoy the fact that my laundry takes care of itself and I almost always have food waiting for me no matter what time I reach home.

So what is bothering me?

The TRAFFIC JAM!!!!

I love my job, but every morning I dread the journey. I can't wait to be home after work, yet i procrastinate the journey as long as I can... This can't be healthy.

My mom offers her kind words of "Some day they will invent a flying car", but I don't think I can last till that day comes. I'm miserable... The jam is killing me! Its also getting very expensive.

Thus I am contemplating... I need to figure things out.

Damn! I sure feel like every Lamp Post and Divider is laughing at me! =(

lost

2010-07-15T11:41:00.003+08:00

that's me!

I don't know what I want! How can an adult 28 year old me as clueless as I am?

weddings!

2010-07-07T18:09:00.008+08:00

*This is a way outdated post! It was sitting in my inbox for some reason I don't remember now!*

So many of them within the last one month! I do try to go for all of 'em, but time n money seems to get in the way.

22 May 2010
Boon's wedding. It was simple, private and a cosy affair. I liked the fact that mostly everyone knew each other. More importantly, the bride and groom know everyone who attended.Well, I guess in this case, its big things comes in small packages!

I have been to weddings where there are so many people, u wonder whether the state election is going on... I also don't get the concept of parents inviting their classmates who they last saw 20 years ago. Mini reunion supposedly. Why use the kid's wedding? That's why they have the much dreaded high school reunions.Attend those instead.

29th May 2010
GP's Wedding. It was all the way in Kulim. A big noisy one. This was on the groom's side. She is having another ceremony in the church next week but i will not be able to make it because I would be heading to JB for the Bugfest! Cant wait!

It was nice to meet up and hang out with GP, Bhavani, Mala and Puns... It was a fun road trip, esp with Vicky tagging along when we were headed there. So, ONE down many more to go. I have a weird feeling that the next one in line is Mala! =)

26th June 2010
Tak Heng's Wedding. The Form 6 Gang meet up. It was in Ipoh, a restaurant in Menglembu. Aaahh... can't believe we have all grown up! The boy now has a wife!!! We did not attend the tea ceremony because according to Tak Heng it was a very private affair among only family memebers. It was so small that he didn't even have the whole "heng dai"/"chi mui" thingy.

His dinner was big! A huge crowd! Went around a couple of time to look for parking!

Aaahh... Weddings... I used to quite like attending weddings. I liked everything about it! The bride, the decorations, the antics of the guests... Yes, I USED to. Now I find it plain annoying. Don't get me wrong. Its not because of any external reasons. I am truly happy for all those friends of mine!! I am!! I guess the reason I am annoyed is that because, "its not me". At least not yet, I hope. How long more do I have to wait? When is my SHREK (I kinda think he is super cool!) gonna come?

*sigh*

my (personal) to do list:

2010-07-06T16:26:00.000+08:00

Reading:
1) Finish "Life of Pi" - I honestly cant wait to know the ending. The beginning of this book is rather dry. I was reading at one page a day because for some unknown reason, I felt the story was just not moving. Once you get pass the initial 20% of the book, the story really picks up. That book, borrowed from Raj, who highly recommended it, followed me everywhere! I still cant believe it is taking me so long just to finish one book. Anyways, in one of those follow-me-everywhere trip, I left the book at home in Ipoh. Mom just brought it back to me last weekend (after her reading it, of course). I have another 10% to go! That's the plan for the weekend.

2) Finish "Twilight" - This was a fluke.

This post is a bit delayed, now i realised...

I have actually gotten done with both the above task!! (update: 6 July 2010)

insomnia

2010-04-13T12:48:00.003+08:00

Definition: Insomnia is a symptom which can accompany several sleep, medical and psychiatric disorders, characterized by persistent difficulty falling asleep and/or difficulty staying asleep. (Wikipedia)

And that is exactly what I am suffering from.

I need to sleep properly. The lack of sleep is beginning to affect me physically n mentally. My concentration span seems to be much shorter and I am perpetually tired at all time... =(

This has been going on for a week now. Everyday, I head home thinking (and hoping) that I'll fall asleep almost immediately. But that doesn't seem to be happening at all. Its frustrating!

driving to work...

2010-03-31T10:32:00.000+08:00

...is hell!

Urgh. Im really losing my patience with Malaysian drivers. Scolding/cursing the other inconsiderate drivers used to be a weekly affair. Recently, that has become a daily affair.

I make it a point to follow all road rules and safety tips. Use your indicators when turning at junctions or changing lanes; do not jump queue; no matter now bad is the jam, do not use the emergency lane; if a certain car wants to change lane and is using their indicator, give them way (provided they were not jumping queue or using the emergency lane); do not jump the red light; use only designated areas to turn; among others.

So I do consider myself a rather considerate driver. I also try not to lose my patience on the road by the doings of others. Instead I try to keep calm and let this not spoil the start of my day.

Unfortunately, there is only so much you can be patient about! I especially cannot tolerate the obnoxious drivers who think they own the roads and will always have their way! Its even worse when they purposely drive in a way that jeopardises the safety of others on the road. I mean, if you do not care about your life, fine, that is your choice. But other people on the road actually do want to get home safe! Why dont they understand that? An accident is something that happens due to the carelessness or distraction of a driver. What do you call it when they purposely drive people off the road due to arrogance and inconsideration?

of men and shoes

2010-03-30T14:50:00.000+08:00

Mad and I were having an interesting conversation the other day about meeting (the supposedly) right guy at the wrong time. Our conversation then drifted off to men, match making and... shoes shopping.

Mad: LOLz... U can expect to walk into a shoe shop and be able to fit or afford the pair you love, y'know?

Me: But at least there is a possibility of finding that one shoe that u fall immediately in love with; but if i don't even try shoe shopping, then I'm not even gonna have that possibility. Sometimes, u need a specific pair n u look for it high n low, but u cant seem to find that one that calls out to u, so u settle for the next best one.

Mad: Exactly, so at least you can walk in it until you get your dream pair.

Me: The fact is, when u need a pair of shoes, u need to go to the shoe shop.

Now... Finally, men are put in perspective!

Jes' Wedding

2010-03-15T17:55:00.000+08:00

It was beautiful.

It didn't make me cry; but made me believe in possibilities.

It was a perfect opportunity to catch up with the Kerteh gang; we drank, we danced and we were merry.

Its been sometime since I was so involved in a wedding, it felt good. I cant seem to express the warm, fuzzy glow nor the fun and excitement. I will let the pictures say them all...

THE MEHNDI PARTY

Thari - our main mehndi artist working on the bride's hand

Kavitha - our Junior Mehndi artist!

Kavitha concentrating hard on Sukvin's design

Sukvin all smile for the camera

Halfway through with the bride's hand design

End result - Sukvin

End result - Qi Hua

Design at the back of Jes' hands

Drawing the design on her fingers

As time was running out, we were simultaneously working on Jes' hands and legs

SANGEET NIGHT

Thari & Qi Hua

Qi Hua & me

Kavi & Qi Hua

Jes & Qi Hua

L-R: Qi Hua, Thari, Arjun & me

Balvin & me wiping our sweats on Kavi's shawl after dancing the night away!

I've just realised that I only have the Mehndi party pics and the Sangeet night pics. Wedding pics - coming soon (hopefully)!

angry angry me

2010-02-18T11:35:00.001+08:00

I don't understand why am I always angry.

For any slightest reason.

I think I have forgotten how to be truly happy, worry-less, even for an hour.

Anger Management classes? Or perhaps kick-boxing classes??

China...

2010-02-10T10:51:00.000+08:00

...felt like a dream come true!

Finally, I have stepped foot into a country that always have intrigued me. China always gave me impression of tough love and it has always been a mystery to me.

I was first curious about China when I learned about the 7 Wonders of the World way back in primary school. The Great Wall - How in the world did they build it???

Of course the childish thoughts left me soon after as I made more Chinese friends. I thought it cant be all that different from Malaysia because we have Chinese people here too... Just that in China they have a 8km or so wall! Ahh... such childish ignorance.

China opening 'its door' became a big news a couple of years later. More and more stories about China came about. At the time when internet was not yet as essential as your morning cuppa, information was not readily available. I was yet again intrigued. Why was this news a hot news? Why is everyone talking about it?

I read more and slowly learned more about a country that was so mysterious to me. I learned Communism and Chinese silk.

In 1997, as a teenager dealing with "growing up" and "being cool", Hong Kong was handed over to China. Wow! What happened that people wanna be apart of this country. Questions and questions!

I curiosity of the most populated country in the world kept increasing. I really wanted to go have a look.

I decided on one mundane working day while researching about China, that some day I am definitely going to head there. I wanted to see for myself, how the people and the places of such a self-sufficient country were.

MY DREAM CAME TRUE!

August 2009, Air Asia had a cheap ticket promotional. I, as usual, ignored it thinking its one of their marketing gimmick. Boss checked the tickets and exclaimed, "Its only 225 to Hangzhou (which is the airport city for Air Asia for Shanghai)!!!"

There and then, we made a decision that we are heading to China. A decision made within a day 6 months back had me realise my aspiration to visit China. =)

home is where the jam is...

2010-01-26T11:12:00.000+08:00

And by jam here, I mean traffic jam!

Klang and its infamous jams. And I am going to go through that every single day starting tomorrow.

I am moving in with BaruMa. Last night would be the last time I sleep in Desa.

Somehow, moving to Klang makes me feel like I am moving to a whole new planet! Dont know why the anxiety!

Anyways, wish me luck braving through the the Klang Jam!

kiddo

2010-01-25T16:25:00.000+08:00

I'm meeting Kiddo tonight for some drinks. In case you are wondering, Kiddo is this college kid that I met when I was introduced to The Family. He was a mutual friend of theirs.

Yes, a college kid. Thus the name Kiddo.

Anyways, we went out a couple of times and he is a good company. But complicated. Looking back, I was kinda silly to have wanted him to be more matured. He was 23! What was I thinking?

Anyways, conversations with him has always been very natural and amusing. So some (non-alcoholic) beverages later would actually ease me up a bit. I've been really tensed with the move to Klang.

*oh gosh, how am I gonna survive Klang?*

from a dream to reality!

2010-01-19T14:53:00.000+08:00

S-H-A-N-G-H-A-I.

Finally!! Next week! Cant wait! =D

happy new year!

2010-01-04T16:21:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR people!

2010 - the numbers look good arranged together like this! I just noticed as I was typing the year out just now.

The new year weekend was simply crazy! Actually the partying started on Monday itself.

MONDAY (28 Dec)
I drove back from Ipoh in the morning. I was suppose to leave at 6.30am but ended up leaving at 7.00am because Mr Yong woke up late. He, of course, blamed it on the alarm clock instead.

By the end of the working day, I was craving for steamboat. I asked Marilyn whether she wanted to have steamboat for dinner, since once before our plans for steamboat dinner did not quite work out. After getting her excited, we called Lala to check what she was doing for dinner.

Soon we ended up asking everyone in the office whether they are up for a steamboat dinner. Uncle and Adrian also jumped at the idea. Uncle suggested steamboat in Klang. I wasn't too crazy about the idea, since the jam is known to be notorious after work down the Federal Highway to Klang.

After much coaxing about the jam, we relented and decided Klang steamboat it was!

Though there were some initially hick ups with the bridge being closed (creating a massive jam that seem to have lasted forever) and the shop being closed, we managed to overcome them all and had a sumptious dinner of steamboat in Klang... Of course with dinner came beer... ;-)

TUESDAY (29 Dec)
Yamcha with the Yamcha Gang!!!

Scott was down from Singapore and TD is back for good from Abu Dhabi (though TD actually came back more than a month back). We first had dinner at Carl's Jr in Mid Valley then headed to Spagetti Grill for Happy Hours! And trust me, the hours were definitely Happy!!!!!

It was nice meeting up with the gang since its been sometime since I met them all. Loads of alcohol + Loads of beer = A whole lot of fun!

WEDNESDAY (30 Dec)
Dinner and cocktails with Makiko!

Meeting up with her is always fun. We met up at Italliannies@ the curve. Later we headed back to her place because I was telling her about winter in Shanghai and Jes' Hen Night on Saturday.

I've borrowed her rather sexy skirt and a funky woolen shawl...

THURSDAY (31 Dec)
Work ended at 3pm.

I went off to Mid Valley to get my long johns and perhaps shop a bit for the needs of Shanghai.

I left KL after shopping close to 8pm heading down to Klang. Parents and Gundan are suppose to be in BaruMa's house waiting to have New Year Eve dinner together. I reached Klang only to find out that my parents cant make it because their car broke down! I was bummed! Sigh..

We made the best out of the situation, and went out for a quick dinner. It was a rather quiet New year eve with random things happening and nothing like how we planned it to be.

FRIDAY (1 Jan)
The day passed by rather quickly and at night I had Jes' Hen Night to attend. That was wild!!!!

Dressed up as naughty school girls, we hit Changkat Bukit Bintang in white school blouse, short skirt, panty hose, fishnet stockings, heels corsets, neck ties and nametags with kinky names! WOW! I was impressed... The things we do in the name of friendship! =)

SATURDAY (2 Jan)
Lunch was at BabyMa's place. The whole family gathered and it was such a ruckus. Got together with my cousins and played galah panjang, fire and ice, lumba lari among other outdoor games.

I cant remember the last time I played Galah Panjang!!! We went back into the house and then played :Chap Cili". Oh Gosh! What fun!

The year is turning out pretty well... I like!

the last day of the year

2009-12-31T10:54:00.000+08:00

*pejam celik pejam celik*

Its already the 31st of December!

And the last day of 2009 feels exactly the same as as any other day. =S

I pray for a better year ahead... Give me the same amount of hardship if u wish but more strength to deal with it. I will not fear the choices life has to offer, but I need the wisdom to make the right ones. More importantly, give me tolerance and patience mostly to deal with those who do not enjoy the benefits of a full mental capacity.

Continue to bless me with the people I cross paths with that makes a different in my life, in the nicest way. I know I am blessed in this sense. I've met some of the nicest people this year. People who make you want to believe simple because you can.

HAPPY NEW YEAR and have a blessed year ahead! =)

where the #&*$ is my happy ending???

2009-12-22T17:46:00.000+08:00

*urgh...

I am so pissed with myself for no particular reason.

*stomps feet*

How is it that I try and try and give my best in whatever I do and I do not get the satisfaction I crave?

the year it has been!

2009-12-14T11:01:00.000+08:00

Its December already!

And Im at a point, where my life is completely messed up!

The weirdest thing is that despite all that happened, Im smiling. This is weird, this is not me. Im the one who rants and raves and worries like there is no tomorrow. I've always known myself to be that!

And now, with all things that been happening (mostly unhappy), Im still smiling and being thankful for the lil' blessing that had come my way.

Wow! Im impressed; with myself! Im not the bitter bitch anymore it seems. When I told myself that I've gotta live a little more in the beginning of this year, I didnt know how I was gonna do it.

That was my new year resolution. And despite the rocky beginning and the not-so-great ending, it turned out to be a rather fulfilling year. 2009 will remain as the year that I learned to relax a little and not to worry so much. A year that I've learned the pain of loving and losing. A year that reminded me that no matter how good your intentions are, some jokers will misconstrue it for their own benefits.

I've also decided that I'm gonna party so hard on 31st of December. Not because I'm eager to welcome 2010, but to give the apt farewell to 2009 that it deserves.

*smiles... and a little giggle* ;-)

on friday this week...

2009-11-24T16:03:00.000+08:00

...exactly at this time... I will be getting a nice two hour Thai massage!

Hadtyai! Here I come... =)

the quote i love on love

2009-11-23T15:11:00.000+08:00

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.

-Neil Gaiman-

Click Here For Images &
Bleeding Heart Pictures

of betrayals...

2009-11-23T14:56:00.000+08:00

=(

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to
You would cry too if it happened to you

Nobody knows where my Johnny has gone
But Judy left the same time
Why was he holding her hand
When he's supposed to be mine

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to
You would cry too if it happened to you

Then all my records keep dancing all night
But leave me alone for a while
'Til Johnny's dancing with me
I've got no reason to smile

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to
You would cry too if it happened to you

Judy and Johnny just walked thru the door
Like a queen with her king
Oh what a birthday surprise
Judy's wearing his ring

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to
You would cry too if it happened to you

Oh-oh-oh It's my party and I'll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to...

-Lesley Gore-

Click Here For Images &
Crying Girl Pictures

excited lil' me!

2009-11-17T13:00:00.000+08:00

I've been rather excited over many things that are happening around me. I like this excited feeling! It makes you wake up in the morning, smile to work and keeps you focused in dealing with anything that comes your way.

Here is (another) list on the things that are getting me excited now:
1) Roadtrip to Hadtyai

2) Shanghai in Winter

3) Family PD Trip

4) The black ink pen Uncle bought

5) Bukit Tinggi with Yamcha gang!

I like! I like! =)

The Yumcha Hunters!

2009-11-02T17:02:00.000+08:00

Date: 30 Oct - 1 Nov 2009
Venue: KL - Kuala Terengganu
Flag off: APD, Glenmarie Shah Alam
Last Stop: Awana Kijal KT
Team Members: Me, Rudy, King and Anesh

Treasure hunting is one of the activity that I've always wanted to do! Amongst other would be driving a rally car and bungee jumping. So a couple of months back when Rudy asked me whether I would like to join the Topgear Treasure Hunt, I jumped at the chance! And truth be told, I've been excited about the trip 2 weeks prior to the day itself. No regrets... definitely No regrets... =)

We started really early! Raja picked me up at 5.45am and we were suppose to be at APD Glenmarie at 6.30am.

Raja, Me, Rudy waiting to get started

Our very own Yamcha car! All ready to take us to Kuala Terengganu

Our first challenge was in Genting Sempah rest area McD! We are given 3 minutes to answer 5 questions. The answers for the question all could be found in the TopGear Magazine.

Waiting for our turn at Genting Sempah. We felt like school kids waiting for exam!

At about 5pm we reached Awana Kijal. We reached 5th out of 50 cars! Wow, not bad for first timers. I was so afraid that we would not make it on time, because the race has a limit of 9 hours and half an hour of grace period where they start cutting marks for each minute late. If you take more than 9 and a half hours, you will be automatically disqualified.

The beautiful entrance for Awana Kijal.

I crashed once we reached our rooms. I hardly had any sleep the night before because of all Friday nights, Homie decided to throw a very noisy party the night before my treasure hunt race!

Dinner and prize giving ceremony was at 7pm.

We won 19th place by points!! Not bad for first timers! We won RM120 worth of petrol each

We went to bed right after the ceremony. Too sleepy and tired.

The next morning, after breakfast, before leaving, we decided to check out the place. We walked around the hotel area. The beach was awesome. Awan Kijal KT is actually a very nice place for a retreat... Highly recommended!

The sea was rather rough though...

We checked out at about 12noon. We decided to head out to Kemaman for lunch. Its not Yamcha if we do not jalan-jalan cari makan on the way eh...

Kopitiam Kemaman - apparently a must-try in the Kemaman town

The famous 3 layer tea. It also came in the coffee variety

After lunch in Kemaman, we headed to Berserah for keropok! A trip to the East Coast is never complete without keropok.

yummy keropok!

After munching down the whole lot of the keropok, we stopped at Bentong town for home made ice cream.

Homemade Ice cream at Kow Po

Their signature dish of ABC + Ice Cream. They also have a variety of other sundaes.

After the ice cream stop, we went on a durian hunt but the durian shop that King was looking for wasn't open. With an already full tummy, we decided to save the durian for some other time... Wise choice, I must say!

Overall it was an awesome adventure!

where do i stand? (Part 2)

2009-10-29T14:23:00.000+08:00

I learnt an interesting lesson on letting go. Its not enough if you only let go, u need to also move on... ;-)

If only u be in peace with the past that you can properly move on though... I know - so complicating but when given some thought, makes a lot of sense.

where do i stand?

2009-10-29T11:35:00.000+08:00

The truth is - Kawan is back.

I dont know whether he is back for good or just for a ride. I've tried thinking about it, but now, I'm just too tired... Too mind boggling.

In Feb 2007, I met Kawan at a friend's friend's party. Our relationship was an adventure by itself. We were as different as night and day; at the same time, our fundamentals were the same.

By the time December 2008 came along, we were beginning to feel the brunt of the relationship. There were so many uncertainty - job was taking a toll, family and friends (functions, birthdays, farewells, obligatory visits) were all eating up our time. Having to deal with all this in the highly stressful positions that we were in eventually led to arguments. Some were your regular I-said-this-and-you-said-that arguments, and some were a full-fledged tiring, straining, long long arguments. Being as different as we were, I thought given some thought and time, things would get better. If all things were good, taking some time off away from everything else and talking things through should solve all problems right?

I was wrong. Early January 2009, he said he needed time off. *gasp*
He needed to sort out what he wanted and where he was heading in life.
Oh-kay...

A month passed by; a month that was so difficult for me. But one thing that was clear in that one month is the amount of people who cared and was there to support me. I have a whole list of people to thank; and that only means that I am blessed. Blessed with family and friends who sometimes dropped everything they were doing to come pass me a tissue.

Thosh was consistently there for me. She met me up after work, sometimes more often than necessary just to make sure I was ok. She also would drag me along for all HER party invites so that I can meet new people (which I did and became really good friends with) and better able to move on. She would also entertain all my late night messages, whining about how unfair life was. Looking back, I honestly do not know what I would have done if I hadn't had her around.

Tansri was a darling as well. The first weekend I was single again, he went shoe shopping with me on a Friday night. I know shoe shopping with a girl is generally a pain for most guys, and most guys would only do it because they HAD to follow their girlfriends. But darling Tansri put aside all weird stares and painstakingly followed me into every shoe shop in Bangsar! And he never once complained. He actually picked a couple of pairs for me to try on! He stayed back in KL that weekend. We went for lunch, massages and at night, when he had to go out (yes, he has a life) he asked me whether I would be ok. How sweet...

That Friday on my first single week, Homie had his birthday bash. And after partying the night away in Cyna Bar, and when we got back, I felt crappy and impossibly alone. Sensing something amiss, Homie came into my room, finding me close to tears. He gave me the biggest longest hug, telling me it is all gonna be alright. It was his big day, but there he was, consoling me, getting tears and mascara on his white shirt...

These are only some of many stories of me being blessed to have such lovely people around me. The one thing that I got from the break up is the fact that I was so loved. I knew my true friends. =)

way back into love...

2009-10-23T11:18:00.000+08:00

from Music and Lyrics

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night

I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

I am also trying to find my way back into love... But love has hung up a no entry sign at the entrance! Hehe... ;-)

Stepping Stones - School Year End Program 2010

2009-10-09T16:26:00.000+08:00

To all those who are feeling generous again!

For those who are interested to donate you may directly contact Ms Mary tel:0322602290, Mr Johnson tel:0163858161 , or Suresh K tel:0122592290.

Address of the home
Stepping Stones Living Center Sdn. Bhd , 111, Jalan Tanjong 12, Taman Seputih 58000 Kuala Lumpur

Facebook Group
Stepping Stones Living Center

thosh's birthday!

2009-09-29T00:26:00.001+08:00

Date: 25 September 2009 (Friday) - her actual birthday is on 26 September!
Venue: Velvet, Zouk

It was fun! Its been sometime since I met the whole Disneyland gang... I was in-charge of the camera... and I was happily clicking away! I am not known for my photography skills though, namely because I have shaky hands and am (just a bit) short...

Anyways, decided to post up the pics instead!

Wayne and Suren heating up the Dancefloor

Prem

Prabz being Goofy

Joseph, Mac, Suren and Wayne

Billy, me and Thosh

Joseph, Ralph and Prem

Thosh and fren

Prem and me

good bye, fantasy...

2009-09-28T15:47:00.000+08:00

-PHUKET DAY 4-

I only remember this being a sad day... I never wanted Phuket to end. Perhaps it has provided me an escape to my rather boring, mundane and discontented life. Im not saying its the right way of life... but indeed it was one heck of an experience.

Phuket will always have a special place in my heart.

Ok, enough of sentiments now... time to plan the next trip! GOA HERE I COME! =)

of cheap tom yums and tequila shots!

2009-09-28T15:46:00.000+08:00

-PHUKET DAY 3-

We took our time to wake up... It was nearly impossible to wake up especially when I was convinced that a rat had knocked down the heavy chandelier on my head before dying in my mouth. The consequences of too much whiskey, vodka and tequila shots!

Day 3 was for going around town. We hired a driver and there were 4 activities we were to cover:
1) Visiting the Big Buddha
2) Visiting Wat Chalong
3) Jalan-jalan in Phuket town
4) Elephant Trekking

Visiting the Big Buddha
The feeling of going into the grounds of the temple is unexplainable. You get this very calm over feeling as you step into the temple itself. The funny thing is that this temple is not at all quiet. It was bustling with lotsa activities and with people from all over wanting to catch the biggest Buddha in SEA in the making.
I walked right up to the top. I prayed... It felt good. =)

Visiting Wat Chalong
Wat Chalong was simply gorgeous! It stood so majestically as we made our way into the main building. I saw a whole bunch of people from all walks of life trying to get their fortune read. Its the Buddhist fortune sticks. There will be a canister filled with numbered sticks. We will have to shake the canister until only one stick falls out. We will have to check the number and then collect the piece of paper with the corresponding number. And that number will reveal our fortune.

I tried it.

I picked up the paper was written in Thai. Such anti-climax! I brought the paper back though, just in case i meet someone who can read Thai and speak English fluently. *wink*

Jalan-jalan in Phuket Town
We drove into Phuket town. However, as it was a Sunday, there were very less people around as most shops were closed. We went to this place called Phuket Square and were just window shopping.

Our stomach was getting the better of us and in no time we were walking around looking for a place to eat. We found the food court. The menu for lunch: Som Tom for appetizer, white rice, tom yam kung, kangkung stir fried, egg omelet and 4 fresh fruit juices. We had a sumptuous lunch indeed! The bill: 270baht, for all that!

We had to cut our Jalan-jalan in Phuket Town short because we wanted to make it on time to the elephant trekking.

Elephant Trekking
I know for a fact that I will never ever do this again. I know elephants are strong animals and in no way I mean to insult their strength. But I cant bear the thought of sitting on another life being, it taking you on a trail into the jungle. Oh well, thank God I wasn't born in the era of the brave Rajas or Kings that travelled majestically on elephants. I would have died of guilt. I know, I know... I am weird in some ways.

Coming back to the elephant trekking - it was quite an experience! It was scary in the beginning because you are sitting on a elephant, several meters above the ground, on a "chair", without seat belts. The image of the elephant running wild and me falling off, with the elephant accidentally trampling all over me and me coming to my unfortunate death in Thailand kept popping out on my mind. *Jo knocks head hard on table* I mean come on, I cant die like that... because, 1) Im too young to die; and 2) It would be a silly story to tell when I meet other waiting at the gate of Heaven, when they ask, "How did u get here?"

The elephant we sat on was female. He name is Sha Noy, which apparently means "Little Girl". Hehe. How ironic eh?

Anyways, after Elephant Trekking, we headed back to the hotel, went to the beach, and came back to the hotel pool after the sun has set.

Apparently there was a wedding reception at the hotel that we were staying at and we were sure creating quite a ruckus at the pool! We tried to keep it as quiet as possible but imagine a bunch of four girls, slightly tipsy, naturally loud, on a holiday! But you gotta give us credit for trying!

After the being chased out of the pool by the security guad because apparently the ppol was undergoing chemical cleaning. I still doubt the truth of it. I think they had purposely put up that board just to get us out of the pool area... Conspiracy, conspiracy...

After getting dressed up again to hit the clubs, we were on our way... Happy happy tipsy girls!

That night I had about 5 tequila shots... All memories of what happened after the last shot was never recollected.... *wink*

Phi Phi Island and beyond...

2009-09-28T15:45:00.000+08:00

-PHUKET DAY 2-

I crawled out of bed at 6.45am. The van is to pick us up at 7.45am and we are to be off for Island hopping. We were suppose to be out for having breakfast by 7.15am. However, knowing us, we only got out of the room close to 7.30am. We gobbled down as much as we can in that 15minutes and we in the look out for any tourist van.

As we were getting in, we saw 2 gorgeous looking men waiting to get in too. Having the liberty of being completely single, I quickly said, "I chup the one in red and blue!" According to the code of sisterhood, who should see first, should claim first and the others should respect this. Anyways, the others were not all that single.

In the Van; Photo courtesy of the Red & Blue Man

We made another couple of stops before we made our way to Chalong Bay. We picked a couple from Impiana Cabana Phuket Hotel and 2 other men from the Marriott. Of course having us in the van, it was impossible for them to have any quiet moment what-so-ever. Don't ask me what were we talking and giggling about, but at 8 in the morning, it did seem like there was a lot to.

Finally we reached Chalong Bay, and we were briefed by Bobby, our tour/island guide. Bobby was a funny fellow and soon immediately we were friends. As we made our way to the designated speed boat, the 2 gorgeous men was heard whispering behind us, "They are in the same boat with us!" Though I would like to believe they said that out of excitement, but Jes swears that she heard a tinge of disgust in their voices. Oh well, who said i cant be hopeful??

Chalong Bay

There was a whole bunch of people from all over the world in the same speed boat with us, but you could only hear 4 voices of girls. I don't know about you, but when I am on a holiday, I make sure I make the most of it! I try to find humour in everything and as they say, how you react to things could make all the difference. The boat ride is about 1 hour and the way I see it - I had to choices: 1) Be all proper and bear the unpleasant bumpy ride in silence, or 2) Talk, laugh, enjoy nature and take pictures in order to ease your mind off the potential of being sea sick.

On the Boat

Our first stop was Maya Bay. Boy, was I happy to see the shore! The sea was very rough and though usually I do not get nauseated, I did feel it then. The situation did not help with a bunch of them throwing up in the boat. We jumped out of the boat, found a place to put our things and jumped into the water. The water was so blue! Too bad the water was not exactly very clean with floating leaves and twigs. Maya Bay ended too soon... We could hear Bobby calling, "Boat 19! Boat 19! Come back!"

At Maya Bay

The next stop was Loh Samah Bay, there we only stopped to take some pictures of the caves and the greenery. After that, we had a short trip passing the Viking Caves and also the Monkey Bay. The tide was high at the Monkey bay thus we could not get off the boat and see the monkeys. We did however, stay on the boat and feed the monkeys. I am not sure though which species were more amused of the other... *wink*

Viking Cave

Monkey Bay!

Shortly after the circus show, we headed to Phi Phi Don for lunch. I had to rush to look for a washroom once I got down from the boat and told the others that I will see them in the restaurant. When I got to the restaurant, guess who I was to sit beside? Red and Blue Gorgeous Man! Apparently, we were suppose to sit according to our van number and the other 3 have reserved the seat beside him for me! Oh, how thoughtful... *giggles*

We made small talks at the table. The couple from Phuket Cabana completely ignored us. I guess we made her feel insecure? *jo inflated ego speaks again

The men from Marriott are from USA. The Asian looking one is based in Bangkok (his name is Steve) and the other one is his boss who is on holidays (Joe). They were pretty friendly and then Kavi asked the Gorgeous Men where were they from and they replied - Barcelona! Espanyol! It was also then when we realised they were not very good in English... And I don't speak Spanish except for Mis Tres Hermanes and Yo Soy Betty La Feya. I don't think a couple of Spanish drama names are gonna impress them. So there goes any hope of bringing my mom a souvenir from Phuket in the form of a son-in-law. =(

After lunch, we went on to another bay (which I cant remember the name) and we did some snorkeling. Its my first time doing snorkeling away from the shore. I will not deny that I was very afraid... But at the same time, I thought that I've done and experienced so much, wont i regret if I dont do this?

The experience was awesome!! It took me some time to adjust with the life jacket and the mask, but when I was calm enough, I really didnt want to come out of the water! The fishes were practically just beside me!

First Snorkelling Experience

The fishes

The snorkeling session ended too soon and we were on the boat again of to our next destination. The last destination was somewhat disappointing, because 1) Its more for snorkeling and seeing the corals; 2) no waves; 3) no shade; 4) things were exorbitantly priced. I basically slept that one hour there.

We reached Chalong Bay around 5.30pm, all darker and tired. Jes and I were together and we somehow lost Thari and Kavi. Jes and I found our driver and so we went to the van first. The Phuket Cabana couple had taken our seats, so me being me, jumped in the front beside the driver, turned around to the back and told everyone, "Unfortunately for you guys, I am the self elected tour guide!"

Self elected tour guide

Coming back from the trip, we dropped our stuff off and went for a massage. Initially we had wanted to come back, get dressed and head out for dinner. But after the massage, my infamous stomach was already hungry. That night we decided to have seafood for dinner at a nearby fancy restaurant. Oh my! What a meal! =)

After dinner, we headed back to the room to shower and get all dressed up to party all night long! And trust me, all night long was how we partied...

=(

2009-09-25T02:00:00.000+08:00

I am just so tired... So tired... =(

I want nothing more in the world right now than to be adored... and pampered.

I miss home. I miss Papa a lot. =(
Papa always knew how to make me feel better. I wish Papa was here. I dunno how to deal with this.

like never i've experienced before...

2009-09-23T16:56:00.000+08:00

-PHUKET DAY 1-

WOW! Thats what I've been replying to everyone who had asked me, "How was Phuket?"

Simply WOW! The honest truth is that I don't want to come back. Not until the surrealism fades away. I felt like the morning after I dreamt I was running away from an evil beast in a jungle with Takeshi Kaneshiro beside me, holding my hand. I had that dream long long time back (I think I was 14!), but the memories of it remains vivid up till today.

That's how I feel about Phuket. Surreal.

The morning that I was leaving there was a rush! I woke up at 4am and was suppose to be at Raj's place by 5am. That should not have really been a problem have I had packed and asked for directions to his place the night before. Nope, knowing me, I went out for a quickie dinner with The Boss. Only the quickie dinner lasted till about 10.30pm with a couple of bottles of wine. Tipsy me detoured to say good bye to Kawan at Bangsar. I finally reached home past 11pm feeling exhausted and slightly tipsy. Sleep, sleep, sleep was all I could think of.

Jumping out of bed, frantically showering and packing did not go too well with the lack of sleep and the wine from last night. We left Raj's house at 5.30pm, giggling like a bunch of school girls all the way to the airport. And guess what?! Thari made a last minute decision and decided to join us!

As we got closer to the airport, the situation was not really very funny anymore. Our flight was at 0725hours and at 0630hours we still have not reached LCCT. When we finally did reach, I jumped out of the car and ran to the check in counter. The girls brought my bags in with them while I tried to check us in. We managed to get in 45minutes before the flight left.

At Raj's House: Kavi, Jes, Thari, me

As we were Boarding the Flight

View of Phuket from the plane

I had pinched myself a couple of times when we reached Phuket International Airport just to make sure I am really there. I dont want to wake up only to find a bruise on my left arm from the pinching!

We reached the Patong Bay Garden Resort at about 9.30am. We were told that our room was not ready. So we dropped off our luggage at the hotel and happily wandered the morning streets... =)

Our Welcome Board

Patong Beach!

We walked up and down. I guess we were hoping for some Mamak stall or some Kopitiam to be open, serving us steaming hot noodles and coffee. We could have walked all we wanted, but to no avail. So we were down to either the Fancy Coffee House, McDonald's or Subway. The interesting was that Subway did not serve coffee! Blasphemy! NO COFFEE!! The Fancy Coffee House served awesome smelling coffee, but their breakfast options were all sweet, like pancakes and muffin. So we had to head down to the old faithful McD! Never to have let me down no matter which part of the world I am!

Sawadee Krap Ronald

We checked in after breakfast and rested in the room. We decided that we would like to see the Simon Cabaret that night and to take the Island hopping trip the next day.

After lunch we had a massage each by the sea. It was an unforgettable experience. The waves, the relaxed feeling, the kneading of the muscles... *sigh*

By the Beach

We were booked for Simon Cabaret that night, so after a quick dip in the sea and then the hotel room, we got dressed to the nines all ready!

Simon Cabaret was very very nice. Kudos to the effort they had put in. The costume and the props were elaborate. And the Ladyboys... My, my, what can I say about the them. They were simply stunning! There was one who looked like Barbie!

Outside Simon Cabaret

After the show, we headed back to the Patong Beach area to dinner. It was already after 12 by the time we got done and Kavi was sleeping on the dinner table! She was mumbling in her sleep about a man that had come to the office to ask for donation. When we probed further, she woke up and asked, "Did we find the horse?" Hahahaha... Horse??? What horse? That girl must have been really sleepy and tired.

Our night ended after a unsuccessful search for massage parlours that were open past midnight. Me and my sleep problem... I only ended up sleeping at about 2.30am while everyone was already dreaming of Phi Phi Island!

Phuket this friday!

2009-09-15T12:48:00.000+08:00

Finally! I've not felt so excited over something in a long long time!

PHUKET!!

I am going there with Kavi & Jes. Thari was suppose to come but due to some complication, she cant make it. =(

We planned this somewhere in March/ April and after such a long wait, we are going there this Friday. Our flight is at 0725hours. I am so excited I dont think I will be able to sleep that night! We are gonna be there till Monday and we will be taking the last flight out on Monday! Will be reaching LCCT at about 2345.

Too bad I will be missing Raya but Raya right now is not so much of a priority compared to taking my long overdue break.

Now, I gotta go plan my packing list! =)

S-T-U-C-K

2009-09-03T15:45:00.001+08:00

~Someone told me long ago, there's a calm before the storm, I know, its been coming for some time...
I wanna know, have you ever seen the rain, coming down on a sunny day...~

I stared at the screen thinking how to put into words all that I am feeling right now. I dont know why but this song kept playing in my head all the while. I have so much I wanna say, so much I wanna do, so many emotions I wanna show... But nothing, nothing is coming out. I feel so STUCK!

I feel a whirlpool of energy inside me, waiting to burst! But outwardly, I look lifeless.

How do I get over these feelings? Is it time for a break? Away from work, partying, people, traffic, family and friends?

Boss did ask me something though, "Should you take a break, what you want to achieve from it?" Wait a minute, you mean even at a break there is something I got to achieve? Have I not strived to achieve all I can while trying to achieve all I can on a daily basis? Do I have to achieve something on a break as well?

Upon further pondering, I realised that what he meant is that by taking a break, would I really feel un-stuck? What will make me feel un-stuck?

A thought... for me to ponder further... (Yes, yes, I know. How typical of me?)

taking yam cha to the next level (day 2)

2009-09-03T12:41:00.000+08:00

I realised while browsing through my past post that I never got to writing about Day 2 of the trip to Cameron Highland. And guess what? Now Im completely uninspired to write about it.

However, let me sum up Day 2. Basically, we got up all excited over scones. Yes, scones... I so wanted to have tea and scones for breakfast. I am going to blame that craving on my childhood ideals of being very British by having a 'cappa' tea... *wink*

So, we checked out, took more pictures around the resort and headed out to Brinchang town to find a shop that sells English Breakfast! We stuffed ourselves with Scones, Jam, Cream, Bacon, Toast, Sausages among others.

With that the trip is complete. We were ready to leave. Of course we had to stop to buy more strawberries for the journey home... =)

burning out =(

2009-08-19T11:55:00.000+08:00

Im really very very very tired these days. My body hurts and my concentration span is very short.

I dont like to be in this state. I like to be in control of my actions but somehow, these days, my discipline and my concentration is waning... Sigh...

I am sort of stuck because I dont know what to do to get myself out of this situation. And I also know that I cant go on like this. I dont like this self pity nor the fact that I am not on top of my game.

How? How? How?

taking yam cha to the next level (day 1)

2009-07-27T13:29:00.000+08:00

25 July 2009, 4.10am
Raja wakes Jo up by sounding all cheery... Jo checks time and groans. Was not suppose to be awake yet... 10 more mins, 10 more mins..

25 July 2009, 4.20am
Jo jumps out of bed. Frantically gets ready and packs. Makes mental note to pack the night before, but consoles self saying its impossible to find enough energy to pack at 2am the night before after seafood in Port Klang. Makes mental note (again!) to come back early the night before a long trip.

25 July 2009, 4.45am
(Viva La Vida ringing tone) "Jo, come down. I'm here..."
Jo grabs bags and keys and heads out. Stood near the shoe rack contemplating between sneakers or sandals.

25 July 2009, 5.00am
"Anesh! Good Morning! We are around the corner! Come down!"
"Hey, ok, ok. Give me 2 mins! Let me grab the CDs from my car"

25 July 2009, 5.08am
Anesh's 2 minutes have become 8 minutes. Still no sign of Anesh.

25 July 2009, 5.20am
Jo needs Milo n water to soothe her stomach. Beer from the night before not digested. Pit-stopped at 7-11. Jo calls AJ to inform her that the Gang is on the way.

25 July 2009, 5.45am
Picks AJ up. Cant miss AJ, especially with her bright pink handbag... AJ gets into the car groaning.

25 July 2009, 6.00am
The Gang hits the toll gate. Raja stories the others about getting the keys to the new house. The others start making plans about playing PS2/3/XBox in the new house with the 50inch TV. Jo dozes off. Obviously 2 hours of sleep is not sufficient.

25 July 2009, 7.15am
The gang reaches Tapah toll gate. Jo wakes up all bright and breezy! Raja stops car at an ol' skool Chinese coffee shop. Yummy noodles, steaming MSG free soup, fish balls and Anesh's second round later, cam-whoring begins... And so did the weekend for the Gang!

The coffee shop in Tapah

25 July 2009, 7.45am
Journey uphill began. Cameron Highland - Here we come! Along the way, Anesh mistaken a dragon fruit tree for a banana tree. A complete failure! City kids these day.. tsk, tsk, tsk.

25 July 2009, 8.30am
Morning refreshment served at the Tea Shop. Hot Masala Tea and awesome view.

The Teashop

25 July 2009, 8.50am
Waterfall excites the Gang. Stop at Lata Iskandar waterfall and took more pictures... The air was so fresh, crisp and cool...

25 July 2009, 9.30am
2nd mid morning refreshment at Healthy Strawberry Farm. The gang binged on 2 packets of strawberries and strawberry ice cream. Yummy, yummy, yummy!

Healthy Strawberry Farm

25 July 2009, 10.00am
"Eeeewww... Is that our hotel??! Y does it look so run down?? N so mahal!!" (pointing at Equitorial). The Gang decides that Equatorial is not good enough for the n thus the Hotel Hunt began

The not-so-impressive Equitorial

25 July 2009, 10.30am
Still driving up and down. Checked out Casa Dela Rosa, De La Ferns, some other hotels that we cannot recall and Strawberry Park Resort.

25 July 2009, 11.15am
Gang sitting outside Casa Dela Rosa contemplating which hotel should they choose. They are too spoilt to actually check into anything close to dodgy looking. "Does it have a spa?" Ahh... the determining factor. Strawberry Park Resort it is!

Strawberry Park Resort =)

25 July 2009, 11.45am
The gang checks into Strawberry Park Resort. Jo and Alison studies the Spa packages and price lists... Raja plans the rest of the day out and suggests places to visit. Others are agreeable. simply because 1) Raja is the Cameron pro (born and bred there); 2) others are too lazy to think

25 July 2009, 12.30pm
Yummy yummy lunch... Western food. Jo wants durian. After much coaxing, all decided we should save durian for supper.

25 July 2009, 2.30pm
*snores*

25 July 2009, 3.30pm
*more snores*
*spa plans soon forgotten*

25 July 2009, 4.30pm
*yawn*
"Guys, is anyone else hungry?" Gang heads out for tea. Having one and a half malayalees in the gang, teatime becomes mandatory.
Tea menu: Roti canai, teh tarik, cheese tarts, apple tarts, strawberry tarts...

25 July 2009, 6.30pm
Gang heads off to steamboat dinner. Gets stuck in a jam! Yes, a jam in Cameron, due to the Pasar Malam. Gang spots durian sellers. Makes mental reminder about supper.

25 July 2009, 8.00pm
*burp* Sumptuous steamboat dinner! Gang eat like pigs. Momentary memory lapse of all diets. Heads out to Pasar Malam.

Steamboat Dinner

25 July 2009, 8.15pm
AJ buys corn; Anesh gets Appam Balik; Raja buys yam... Jo saves stomach for durian.

25 July 2009, 8.30pm
Durian shop found. Raja is elected as the designated durian expert. Picks 3 fruits. Jo savours them. Anesh stands far far away taking more pictures.

25 July 2009, 9.00pm
Raja has an awesome idea about Gunung Brinchang. The others agrees eagerly as Raja is after all the Cameron expert.

25 July 2009, 9.30pm
The drive up Gunung Brinchang began. No one imagined at that time that it was going to be the longest 20minutes of their life!

25 July 2009, 9.50pm
Many narrow paths and sharp corners laters, the Gang steps out of the car white-knuckled.
*Brrrrr... freezing*
*more cam-whoring*

25 July 2009, 10.10pm
*Drive down*
Journey seems shorter. Everyone is drowning in their own thoughts, surrounded by darkness and the revving of the engine.

Cam-whoring at Gunung Brinchang

25 July 2009, 10.30pm
Room Sweet Room. Half bottle of wine.
Gang got down to toasting our rather successful Cameron/ Yam Cha trip, amidst Rambo on TV and absolute tiredness on our faces.

25 July 2009, 11.450pm
zzzzz.... *snores*
zzzzz.... *more snores*

the hair adventure...

2009-07-22T16:03:00.001+08:00

"Make me feel beautiful!" (grin)

He smiled sweetly. Caressed my hair and asked, "Cut and colour?"

My trip to my hairdresser has always been an adventure. I am not an adventurous person, but when it comes to my hair, I throw all caution to the wind. The hair adventure started when I was 19. My first attempt was to bleach my hair. It was a very very light shade of brown and eventually it faded to blonde.

The following year, I had like the smallest curls. I permed my whole head and looked like Bob Marley's sister. I wore that funky look with pride for one whole year. When the curls started to grow out and when maintenance got really expensive, I chopped them all and spotted a bob! 3 years in Uni and all 3 years I had a different hairdo.

My bob grew... And I was working by then. I decided to keep a longer hairdo. Many trips to my aunt's hairdresser later, (I was staying in Sunway at that time with my aunt) we decided the layered look suited me the best. Of course, I had to throw in some highlights.

And then I moved out and moved on to a professional salon. That's how my love affair with my current stylist started. =)

He gave me the most gorgeous layers I've ever seen on me... I love the way he runs his fingers through my hair and gives me the look deciding whether to trim a bit or to chop off a whole chunk... and my long fringes, parted to the side, as they curl just slightly at the end, to give a very chic feel to it.

Basically for the next two years, I kept to the layers, sometimes longer and sometimes shorter. My natural waves tend to stand out and give my hair the curly look at the tips. Ahhh... pure bliss. Especially since the look is effortless. I am not a person to wash my hair with 5 different shampoos and then cleanse and condition and mask and moisturise! Please! I have a life to live and the world to conquer! Cant be spending precious moments on doing things to my hair when they all seem to me are the same things!

And I quit my job one day. I went to my hairdresser and told him to chop it all off! It has to go! I'm done with the length that reaches right down below my bra strap. I want something short! Really short!

He calmed me down, offered me some tea, and reasoned out with me why I can't do Halle Berry in James Bond.
"The pixie cut won't work. Different hairstyles suit different shapes of face better. So, let's not do something drastic, ok?"

Fine, I settled for shoulder length do which emphasized on my waves... Woohoo... And that too grew into a forest and eventually, the layers came back... with long flirty fringes (whatever that means... =P)

Last Saturday, I decided to cut and colour. I wanted something drastic. Multi layer highlights! Ashen, brown, blonde - all in one! And tada! I quite like the outcome. Its much shorter though... and with short fringes swept to the side... Pictures, pictures.. soon... =)

Manchester United in Malaysia

2009-07-22T10:53:00.000+08:00

Yes, yes, I did go and watch that match!! Stadium Bukit Jalil on 18 July 2009.

I braved the sweltering heat, the crazy crowd, and the traffic jam! OMG!!! Parking was such a nightmare that I had given up and had left my car in the middle of the traffic light near IMU. Just like that. Then, of course I prayed that no one would come and kiss the bumper of my darling Bumblebee.

I am not a Man U fan, so you might be wondering what I was doing there... I was there to support the Malaysian team! Yeay! Out of the total crowd of 70,000 people, only a about 5% were Malaysian supporters =(.

I've watched football matches in a stadium before, usually the Malaysian league matches, but this experience was completely different! The exhiliration and the adrenaline rush simply from sitting at the benches watching the players... Unexplainable!

I must thank Sailor Uncle though. If it was not for that drunken party at his house, the idea of watching this match would not come around, nor materialise. And of course, his good judgement after all that shots had resulted in him paying for the tickets! See, sometimes, the best decisions made are decisions made after a drying out a bottle of wine! *wink

Simple Needs for the deserving children

2009-07-21T11:07:00.000+08:00

Host : Stepping Stones Living Center
Type : Causes - Fundraiser
Date : Saturday, 25 July 2009
Time : 13:00 - 15:00 hours
Location: Stepping Stones Living Center, Taman Seputeh, Kuala Lumpur

Every two months we will raise up funds and collect groceries for the home.We plan to raise up MYR1K for this charity drive.

If anyone would like to entertain the children at the home you are welcome.It will be a half day activity around 2pm.

I will post more details and please feel free to ask.

We are focusing to collect funds and sponsorships for the homes. There are two categories of sponsors;
1. Corporate Sponsor
2. Individual Sponsor

Donation and sponsors could be in terms of monetary or items;

1. Daily food products;
For example, sardine, eggs, milk, Milo, condensed milk, salt, sugar, cooking oil and etc.

2. New clothes for the children;
Personalised donation for children clothes can be done during the “Year End Need” program.

3. Family day in the Stepping Stones Homes.
Sponsoring a lunch at the home where sponsors will meet the children and have interactive sessions.

4. Basic toiletries
Soaps, shampoos, soap powder, tooth brush & tooth paste, towels, detergents, mops, brooms.

5. Sponsoring trips for the children

6. Stationery and books

Donations can be made at;
Stepping Stones Living Center
Account Number: 120970010022122 Alliance Bank

(posted initially bu Suresh K - http://sureshrealityproject.blogspot.com/2009/07/domestic-donation-drive-july-25-2009.html)

words to live by

2009-06-22T15:17:00.000+08:00

This was sent to me by email by a friend. It was so funny (and true at times), I just had to share it out here. Enjoy!

1. Aspire to be Barbie - the bitch has everything.

2. If the shoe fits - buy them in every color.

3. Take life with a pinch of salt... A wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.

4. In need of a support group? - Cocktail hour with the girls!

5. Go on the 30 day diet. (I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 days).

6. When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.

7. Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just your personality.

8. I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.

9. Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

10. Don't get your knickers in a knot; it solves nothing and makes you walk funny.

11. When life gives you lemons in 2009 - turn it into lemonade then mix it with vodka.

12. Remember where ever there is a good looking, sweet, single or married man there is some woman tired of his bullshit!

13. Keep your chin up, only the first 40 years of parenthood are the hardest.

14. If it has Tires or Testicles it's gonna give you trouble.

15. By the time a women realizes her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks she's wrong.

I like No. 3, I live by No. 4 and somehow end up with No. 9! Hahaha!

spontaneous Penang trip!

2009-06-22T14:37:00.000+08:00

"Eh, take half day, pack your bags, lets go to Penang."

That was all that was needed to have me toying with the idea. The fact that Thosh was also invited was a bonus. Who we going with, where we staying, what are we gonna do there... all that didn't matter. All that mattered was that I needed to get away and this seemed perfect. I am burning out. That's a fact.

Thosh was suppose to have some friends down from India the same weekend and if that happened then we cant head to Penang. On Tuesday night we found out that they cant make it, so on Wednesday I applied my half day.

We were leaving at 3pm on Friday and I was suppose to pack on Thursday night. So that right after work, I can head down to Bangsar to get waxed and then head to Thosh's house and leave at 3pm from there.

Knowing me, I ended up having a late night on Thursday and was super tired by the time I reached home. I did not wake up early enough to pack, thus had to rush to work. After work at 1pm, there was no way I could make it to the salon n get home and also pack by 3pm... So I had to make a difficult choice of not waxing! Sigh...

The journey up North took us about 3 and a half hours. Our first stop was Shareef Nasi Kandar. We packed rice, chicken, eggs, vegetable, and curries all mixed up. If our senses didn't kick in on time, most likely we would have packed up the mutton, the fish, fish roe, spring chicken, and everything else save the stall... *pigs*

Penang Bridge

When we reached the apartment, Sajiv's parents, sister, nieces, aunts and cousins were all there already. It only hit Thosh and myself then - what were we doing there?

We ate to our hearts content and quickly made plans to walk the Pasar Malam in Batu Feringgi. We easily spent about rm50 each, buying clutches, table lamps (they were nice!) slippers and other trinkets.

Satisfied with purchases, we headed back to the apartment. After settling the sleeping orders and chit chatting for a bit, Sajiv, Thosh and I headed out again to eat Sau Hor Fun somewhere near the 1926 Hotel. It was close to 2pm by then! Well, what the heck! It was Penang and what more if you do not take full advantage of the culinary delights!

The next day was Beach Day!! All decked in our swim wears, we went out to the beach. We made a quick stop for breakfast at an unknown restaurant. Food was not all that good though... =(

It was really fun at the beach though! The kids were awesome and I felt like a child again! The waves, the sand, the silly antiques - needed that... We played in the water all the way till about 4pm! That's where we split - the 'clean car' (the one with those who did not go into the water) went out to buy lunch where as the 'dirty car' (those who had played in the water) went home to shower.

The waves

The kids

That night, Sajiv, Suja & their parents had a wedding dinner to attend. So I was left with Thosh, the aunt, and the 3 kids. Our plan? To visit the Toy Museum!! However, Thosh wanted to meet up with her old friend. So we left the aunt and the kids at the Toy Museum and went to have teh tarik instead.

Outside the Toy Museum

At about 9pm, the kids were done and we headed off to Gurney Drive for dinner. We ate anything and everything! Ranging from satay to chicken wings to many many different types of drinks! We stayed there chit chatting until about 11pm. while we were there, we also saw a plain clothes policeman nabbing an illegal VCD seller... Wow! So much drama..

We headed home and played with Areesha's Yarn Doll. I didn't know they had such cool games nowadays... (dang! I feel old typing that statement). The whole doll is build from yarns!! Anyways, we made a couple of dolls while waiting for the rest to get back. We were thinking of heading to some place called Sunrise Bar. So we waited, while watching tv and making dolls... =)

We eventually did go to Sunrise Bar! At about 1.30am!!!! The wedding reception ended late, so they came back late... and by 1.30am there wasn't much of a crowd and most people were leaving and it was close to the closing time. We managed to catch one beer each. That's about it! Then we headed home... =(

In no time, it was Sunday already.. =(

We packed our bags and left to Penang Street and Chowrastar for more food! Bought the Tambun Biscuits, some jeruks, Rojak Kuah and Salted Fish... After shopping at Chowrastar, we headed to this very old school coffee shop that had wooden benches and chair. Not your average fancy place, but it was packed with people!! We had to split up and sit around. Food was absolutely yummy... *slurp*

Shopping at Chowrastar

Part of lunch

The one thing I noticed though was the amount of children (age 5-10 perhaps) that come begging. They actually tug at your sleep and ask your for money. It was so sad... What are these kids doing on the street? Who is behind this syndicate? How can anyone have the heart to rob these kids of their childhood like this? Doesn't the authority know what is going on? Why isn't anyone doing anything about this?

In summary, the trip was awesome! I realised that when you have no expectations, you enjoy yourself the most. =)

running away...

2009-06-16T16:43:00.001+08:00

I want to run away. I've decided that is what I need right now.

But it's quite difficult to plan your getaway when your brain had decided to take an emergency leave. And only informed you late morning... Dang! And I cant seem to contact it.

Brain - come back. I need you. come back well rested though... because tomorrow you will be working overtime!

2 weeks of reading

2009-05-22T09:48:00.000+08:00

Being on MC means you have all the time in the world, especially when you undergo an operation. Besides trying to eat and being heavily sedated, you really can't do anything else. Its not a holiday, but you do get a lot of rest.

So what did I do? Besides Facebook-ing a lot and trying to sort out issues in the office through emails, I finally had all the time in the world to read! Passion rekindled. =)

I had a whole stack of books beside my bed, engulfing myself in total bliss of being surrounded with books. I was already reading "It's Just a Date" by Greg Behrendt and Amiira Behrendt. And as stated earlier, I had already started "Angels & Demons" by Dan Brown... I do have a tendency to do that - to read 2 books at the same time. Usually they are of different genre, it could be heavy drama fiction and a self-help non fiction. Or a romance novel. Or a chick flick... You get the drift?

So all that I've read in this 2 weeks:
1) He's Just Not That into You (Greg Behrendt & Liz Tucillo)
2) It's Just a Date (Greg Behrendt and Amiira Behrendt)
3) Angels & Demons (Dan Brown)
4) Five Point Someone (Chetan Bhagat)
5) A Night at the Call Center (Chetan Bhagat)
6) 3 Mistakes I Made in Life (Chetan Bhagat)

It was good. Nice reading all that... Wish I could write as well... Will I ever write an epic novel?! *wishful thinking*

overwhelmed!!

2009-05-21T11:23:00.000+08:00

I've always dreaded 19th of May. A week before this particular day, I would have already started my annual "Life-Analysation".

I don't know why, but when this day is around the corner, I tend to ask myself - What have I achieved? And as usual, I would answer - Not much... This year I dreaded it even more. The realisation that I am finally 27 and am not in my early 20s anymore has hit me. 27 is actually the beginning of late 20s...

It was even worse this year because 2 weeks prior to this day, I was on MC. I had all the waking time in the world to ask myself this questions over and over again and come up with more reasons why I see myself as an under-achiever. At least with work to occupy me, my list was much shorter.

I came back to work on 18th after the MC. Meetings after meetings took up my time. Finally close to 7pm, my Boss asked the team to go for dinner. And he turned to me and asked, "Hey Jo, isn't it your birthday tomorrow?" I was taken aback! Wow... He knows... I nodded absent-mindedly.

So that's how the crazy week of my birthday started. I celebrated it for a week! =)

My team did a special something in the office itself on 19th. Then I had a nice cosy dinner with the girls...

On 20th, the Yumcha Gang had a party at TGIF! And of course I had to be embarrassed by being told to sing while standing on the chair.

Messages, greeting and phone calls poured in from all over. The last party was on Sunday with my Form 6 friends. By the end of the week, I was overwhelmed. I was grinning like a Cheshire Cat!

Friends from all walks of my life had thought that I am special enough to make time and spend money to celebrate my birthday with me. The week was such a whirlpool that all thoughts of self analysation vanished. I had no time to think about what is my worth or how much I had accomplished in life, for I know that I am truly blessed...

of hospitals and medication...

2009-05-19T18:19:00.000+08:00

For 2 weeks, I could hardly talk, eat n the worst part of all was that I could not properly laugh! Imagine that! Those who know me would know that an essential part of Joshini's day is to laugh. Not the "hehehe" laugh but the "hahaha" laugh! Like laugh out loud!

How did I get into that situation? A couple of months back, I was home in Ipoh when my mom noticed that when I sleep, I breathe like a fish out of water. And apparently, there are times when I look like I am not breathing at all and then gasp for air like mad... I have no idea how I did that though...

Finally succumbing to mommy's request, I went to get both my infamous stomach problem and my breathing problem checked. Was admitted so that both the different doctors can work their magic on me (and of course bill me for the magic show). After being sedated, Dr Mano had put a scope into my stomach and pinched some skin from the inner lining for tests... And then it was Dr Luis' turn to try to scope my nasal passage. Try because when he was putting in the scope through my left nose, the tube could no go through. Mind u, this tube is about 2cm in diameter. He had then explained that the gross deviation in my nose was so bad, that even that small a tube cant go through. *Panic*

The good news is, my stomach problem is not as bad as expected. I dont have any of the suspected bacteria breeding in my stomach! The bad news is, that the breathing condition I suffer is callled "Sleep Apnea". I would need to do two separate operations to first, get my over-grown tonsils out because it is blocking my passage near my throat and then another operation for the deviation in my nose, so I can finally put my nose into some good use... Say for example, breathing!

So, thats how I got my tonsils removed... Dr Luis had asked when I would like to get my nose 'straightened up', and I went like, "Errr... not for a very very long time..." Darn painful wei...

moment of weakness...

2009-04-28T12:33:00.000+08:00

She woke up feeling apprehensive. What did she get herself into now? Isn't this exactly what she was wanting to avoid for 2 months?

She cannot deny the attraction. What makes it worse is the comfort she finds in his company.

She likes being in control; to know exactly how things are and what to expect. Nope, not someone who is delighted by surprises. Everything to be planned and if possible, micro-managed.

And this morning, she feels like she is not in control. This person she woke up as is different. This new person feels things, a bit more than necessary. This new person is not analysing the night. This new person made a decision she will never make. This new person has opened herself up and had put her heart out in a platter. And this new person is Happy. Yea, stupid new person is feeling HAPPY.

Stupid Happy person. Where did the skeptic go?

my wolf-headed gladiolus!

2009-04-21T11:48:00.001+08:00

The is the pattern I had picked for my tattoo! Its on my right shoulder blade... Damn! I feel like a kid with a candy!

i'm getting inked!

2009-04-17T16:26:00.000+08:00

Early this year, I made up my mind that I am gonna get a tattoo. I told my parents (so that they will not have the shock of their life and disown me), picked my design, consulted my friends who have gotten tattoo about the size and colour, and also looked for a tattoo artist... I had this obsession for weeks! All was set except that no one had a decent tattoo artist to recommend me... After a couple more weeks, the excitement simmered down and the urgency was reduced to the back of my mind...

Initially, I did not particularly had a design on my mind, but i knew i wanted something that meant - courage. I first decided on a phoenix. However, all the pictures/design that i found of the phoenix was fiery! And everyone I know tells me that I don't need anymore "fire" in me. *rolls eyes

I wanted, then, something that not only said courage, but also calmness. I think I need calmness more than fire. Especially now that I have been getting all worked up and am always angry. I searched and search (I think I spent 4 days looking for something that screamed - Joshini!). Finally I found one picture - its an assimilation of a gladiolus and a wolf. It actually will depend on the angle and the person that sees it. And it means - calmness, inner strength & self-confidence. Yup, exactly what I want.

Adrian has fixed an appointment for me with his tattoo artist! Today! Just like that! So impromptu! So I basically have no choice but to do it...

My appointment is at 7.30pm tonite. Im excited! N scard at the same time! Phew...

complementing & considering

2009-04-13T17:45:00.001+08:00

You know how people always say that you wont appreciate what you have until u've lost it? It's interesting how no matter how much or how often you hear it, you will never realise the impact of it until it actually happens to you.

It has not happen to me per say. But a person who was once close to me is experiencing it now.

He was in a relationship with a girl for 2 years. She was crazy about him, where as he always treated her with apprehension. The weirdest thing was that for the 25 years of her life, she never believed in love. She used to tell her mom, "Any relationship is about complementing and considering. If there is love, its bonus". When other little girls were dreaming of how their wedding day would look like, this little girl was dreaming of her high-flying job that comes with a corner office, and that pays for her Peugeot and Spa Holidays.

No one had any idea what was it about him that had her smitten. He was a typical Alpha-Male. The I-bring-food-to-the-table, I-dont show-emotions, I-know-no-feelings type of a person.

She had only wanted his attention, but for her he had none to spare. She was the best she could be for him, but all that didn't seem to matter to him. At least not at that time when they were together. He never made an effort for Valentine's day. New Years, birthdays, anniversaries passes by - none memorable. She paid for her share (split down to the last cent) when they went on holidays together. If he pays for the toll, she will end up paying for the petrol. For her car. Yup, she would not only drive both of them to the destination, she would also pay for her share.

But all that didn't matter to her; she wasn't interested in any of material stuff (which hardly came by anyways) because she was capable of getting her own stuff. All she wanted was to be lavished with attention, for her to feel special and to be cared for.

She was still waiting for that fateful day to come by when he dropped the bomb. He wanted to split. He needed time to sort out his stuff because he doesn't know what he wants. He tells her this after 2 years, after spending Christmas at her parent's place.

2 months down the road, he wants her back. He tells her that he never realised how much he loved her. Love? What love? Because she is reminded that all relationship is nothing more than 'complementing and considering'.

"to watch list"

2009-04-13T11:52:00.000+08:00

And presenting you... my To Watch List...! In random order of course!

1) American History X
2) Trainsporting
3) Before Sunrise
4) Bandit Queen
5) Brokeback Mountain
6) Kids
7) The Holiday

My To Go List is all jumbled up... Hhmm...

my stupid heart...

2009-04-02T13:41:00.000+08:00

You keep your guards up. You are not ready to be exposed; you don’t want to appear weak… You put on this façade that nothing affects you. Or at least u try to…

You thrive on to keep your wall on an upright position. Nope, no peeking. Not even a small hole, in case anyone should be able to catch a glimpse of your oh-so-vulnerable heart…

You convince others that you r strong, when the truth is, no one needs to be convinced more than you yourself.

You answer the question “what were u expecting?” with “No expectations” but that’s the answer of your mind. Because your brain knows best. Your stupid heart will expect and if it was left up to her, she will expose u, the real u…

My Lists!

2009-04-01T14:04:00.000+08:00

I have just started with "Angels & Demons", the book. I am determined to finish it before the movie comes out. I am a reader... I've been reading ever since I could phrase sentences together (Ok... maybe thats a bit of an exaggeration, but i did start reading from a very very young age).

"Angels & Demons" is the 6th book on my "To Read List". Yes, me being me, I not only have a "To Do List", I actually have "To Read List", "To Visit List" and "To Watch List". I know, some of my friends are pretty sure that I am suffering from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). But this is not because of OCD. Its just my way of keeping track of all the things that I want to do. I've only taken it a step further by organising them in their own category. =)

To Read List:
1) Sisters - Done
2) The Colossus Crisis - Done
3) Chasing Harry Winston - Done
4) The Anansi Boys - Done
5) P/S: I love you - Just got done
6) Angels & Demons

my list have come to an end... Nobody has recommended any good read recently. I guess its time to expand the list... Let me know if anyone has any suggestions!

and they lied to me again...

2009-03-27T11:43:00.000+08:00

P/S: I love you... did not make me cry!

Autumn and Winter have read it before and they were pretty sure that this is one book which would move me to tears. They were... Since, after all, the movies that were recommended all failed. When I told mom that I was reading it, even she said, "Oh that is a very nice book... Touched me... Made me cry..."

But I guess I can't compare mom and me. Mom is this soppy person who feels things and believes in love and dreams about fairy tale endings... I can't blame her though... She did have her 1942 Love Story-Bollywood-drama-fairy-tale. At 18, she met Papa. Papa was a Christian, so of course when Nambiar Tata (Mom's Dad) found out, he went berserk! Of course not! The daughter of a pious-pray-3-times-a-day-Hindu man who wears a poonal getting married to a Christian boy?!?! In the 1970s, that was unheard of.

**
Nambiar Tata: *gasp! A christian boy?! No... U will get married to a nice Hindu boy. We will find for u! No kathal, kathal all...
Mom: *hand over her mouth crying. No... If its not him, I will never get married...
NT: What!?!? You talking back now!? Listen to your parents.
Mom: Ok... *still crying. I will not see him again. But i won't marry anyone else... *runs off to her room, crying on the bed...

So anyways, after much contemplation, NT decide to meet up with Papa.

**
NT: So, you are the Christian boy... Hhmm... *would twist his mustache, if he had one.
Papa: Yes... I love your daughter and want to marry her...
NT: Ahh... But you are of a different religion! I cannot accept that. My mappilai will only be a Hindu.
Papa: I will be a Hindu then... I shall convert
(this is when the jeng, jeng, jeng music plays)

And Mom and Papa has been happily married for 28 years and they have a gorgeous darling of a daughter and a normal son.

**The above conversation is a figment of the author's imagination. The author is pretty sure that should her Mom ever finds out that she made a parody out of her mom's love life she will not be accepted at home. =P

~Amor Vincit Omnia! So of course Mom believes in love and fairy-tale endings... She had hers... And she is now believing for me... She is very sure that I would find my Christian-boy-who-is-willing-to convert and live happily ever after. I might not believe, but at the rate that my mom believes, I am amused to know the outcome... I hope its not another lie... *wink

selamat siang!

2009-03-23T16:52:00.000+08:00

Jakarta... was very nice.

Despite the crazy traffic, I totally enjoyed myself. The food there was simply awesome. We stayed at the Ritz and was just engulfed in luxury. =)

The event went very well. This is the first event, in the many years that I have been producing, that started at 8.30am! It was scheduled to start at 9am and registration was at 8.30am. However, the delegates started coming in as early as 8am, and by 8.30am, everyone was seated in the room, ready for the training to start.

Carl, our trainer, was as sweet as ever. As he himself is an Indonesian, he was very willing to recommend tasty delicacies o us. Thanks, Carl! Oh, and I bought back batik! Lots of it. The designs are just so gorgeous that I couldn't help myself.

All in all, both the trip and the event was very good... And then, Murphy got jealous. Murphy thought, "How can I let this be a perfect trip and event?" And Murphy schemes...

You see, we were scheduled to land at 2320hours. Just as we were flying over the coast of Malacca, we had turbulence. Like real scary ones! The bad weather and the air pockets made the flight very uncomfortable. At one point, when the plane went through another air pocket, you could hear people gasping out loud. That was how bad it was.

We finally did land at 2345hours. We took our things and waited. And waited. And waited some more... It rained. Very heavily. Damn Murphy! And Air Asia did not have enough umbrellas. So we were stuck in that plane for 45minutes!

So, you can guess - the trip started off awesome and was awesome... and since Murphy got jealous, i ended up getting home close to 3am, wet and hungry. =(

i must learn to love the fool in me...

2009-03-11T19:11:00.000+08:00

“I must learn to love the fool in me, the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries”
-A quote sent over by Nosh-

Nosh sent over this quote today. It struck a chord...

It had hit a raw nerve. Coming to think about it, I am living in extremes now. Its either I have minimal reactions (some may call it numb) or I have all these raw nerves running around that even I do not know when one will be hit...

sad movies always makes me cry

2009-03-10T14:59:00.000+08:00

When was the last you cried?? Like really really cried???

There is a knot in my chest and after many hours of thinking about it over a couple of jugs of beer, I concluded that all I need was a good cry. This was about 3 weeks back. My wise friends and colleagues suggested that I should watch a soppy movie and I will then cry my heart out.

So we went running down a list of movies that had made them cry - like Titanic, Armageddon, Shindler's List, Brave Heart - all of which that I didn't cry for... Nube2.0 came in last week and suggested that I should watch Seven Pounds, the new Will Smith movie - that would definitely make me cry. So there I was in GSC Pavillion, convincing my other uni mates that we should watch Seven Pounds instead of Valkyrie. "My colleague said that this would definitely make me cry", I said only to be glared at. "I am on a weird quest to find a movie that would make me cry", I had to explain.

The credits rolled two hours later. I turned over to my friend and asked him, "When do I start crying?" Well, I guess Nube2.0 was wrong. Nope, even Will Smith looking hot, dying didn't move me to tears. Sigh...

I am not entirely unemotional. I remember crying long long time back, watching Dying Young. Julia Roberts and Scott Campbell. The first time I watched it, I was 14. And I did cry. I am not too sure whether I completely understood the complexity of love back then, but in my innocence I did cry watching it.

Thus my quest continues... Any suggestions, people?

the girls...

2009-03-06T12:25:00.000+08:00

Its been sometime since the four of us met up. The last time the four of us got together was for Christmas 2007. We had our own lil' dinner cum gift exchange party. That was so fun. That was also the nite we bid our farewells to Autumn who was then leaving to another country. I still remember Summer, Winter and I were putting together a picture collage for her to take along...

Very sweet memories indeed...

Anyways, the four of us met up at Delicious Bangsar. Apparently, Winter and Autumn had made dinner plans initially and at the beginning of the week, we each had reasons to celebrate... So we collaborated both the events and that's how we met up again after more than a year since the Xmas dinner.

None of them has changed much. Life, might have changed a lot for all of us. Winter, Autumn, and I have, after all, left the Disneyland where we worked and met at. The journey after Disneyland had taken us to various places with various directions, but its very comforting to know that all of them are only a phone call (and most of the time, an email) away. Whether its a crisis at work, or meeting a new guy, or having a bad hair day, there is no news that would not have passed them first. *hugz to all three of them

I didnt realise how much I missed them until that nite in Bangsar when we were saying our goodbyes. Summer had a date after that and Winter had to rush home. Autumn was 'thirsty', so after doing some banking work at PJ State, Autumn and I came back to Bangsar to have a drink and reminisce... =)

We might have our own different views in many issues. And we do get on each others nerves at times... We are after all four very strong, opinionated and independent young ladies. As Shawn had once described us - Air dicincang tak akan putus. Hope what he said wil remain true...

the beginning

2009-03-03T17:35:00.000+08:00

I know... After 2 weeks of thinking of a name for this blog, finally the blog is up and running. I've been giving the name much thought. It has to scream - ME! Suggestions came from all over; my friends, my colleagues, my family... Some of the suggestions include: choco-maniac, following breadcrumbs, red hammer (don't ask!), pink screwdriver. Really now... Nothing screams - ME! As i was lamenting away on how uninspired I am, it struck me... Joshini.Uninspired. Nice...

When I was in Form 2, my English teacher had forced us to keep a journal. We were suppose to write down at least 3 entries a week. This was to foster good writing habits among us and to improve our English. Well, Pn Lee will be happy to know that at least she has one success story in me. What started out as a chore became a habit that stayed on all the way till I graduated from Uni.

I used to write when I was happy, sad, excited; about boys, plans, exams, parties and even funerals. All my emotions and any event that happened in life were documented. I dunno why I stopped writing back then. Somehow after Uni, I did not have the privacy nor the personal space to write, and this habit just died off. I used to write just to vent out my feelings and that had actually helped me manage whatever lil' stress i had. Nowadays, I'm so wound up, I am ready to snap at the slightest chance.

So now I've decided - I shall write again. Write to my hearts content... Write my happiness and excitement to cherish... Write my sadness, fears and doubts away...