Wednesday, July 28, 2010

*frowns*




More irritable stuff happened. In a matter of a couple of hours, I am back here.

I wish he had not called.

Sometimes I wish I could tell him to go. Just go. Go and babysit the rest of the world. 

*sulk + pout*

relax, jo, relax...

*sigh*

*sigh some more*

*inhales deeply.... exhales*

*sips hot green tea*

I am so wound up. There... I got that off my chest.

It took me more than 30 seconds to actually type out the first sentence. I was feeling all tensed up and I realised that since last night the slightest thing is beginning to irritate me. I know this feeling. I know the consequences of this feeling.

Nope, I am not going to let it get out of hand this time around. That is why I quietly came back to my seat, opened my blog and typed out the title. Even if nothing else came to my mind, I knew I had to relax.

So why... why suddenly this feeling of annoyance?

I don't know. *pout*

I really think there is a bigger picture here. I know I have been blaming the jam and the ridiculously long hours needed to travel to work, but coming to think of it, even when I do not have to endure the long hours on the road I am still not very happy. I am still irritable. I am everything that I don't want to be. I mean seriously, how fun is irritable? Not much eh...

I don't like this feeling either; the all too tensed, too wound up feeling.

The first step to recovery is knowing that you have a problem. So, looks like I've accomplished the first step pretty darn well! Now. How do I get over this all too tensed up, wound up feeling??

Relax, Jo, relax...

Thursday, July 22, 2010

the move

There is just so much going on in my mind right now.

Remember what I said about thinking about moving back to KL? I have insanely now conjured up an image of me moving back to Ipoh! Or even Kuala Kangsar. The thoughts that city life is not for me has come up a million times! From the first day I came to KL for my internship, right up to about 39 seconds ago, I've always longed to move to a town where people were not so much in a hurry.

Ok, now back to Ipoh:
I have my parents house in Ipoh. So accommodation - checked! How am I gonna pay for my car then? I could get a normal-not-so-ambitious job in a quaint office that will pay me enough to cover my basic expense and my bills. My bills... I don't know why but my cost of living and expenditures in KL are actually quite high! Urgh... and with Ipoh's salary range, how am I gonna merely cover those?!

*Jo in full fledged panic mode*

I could finally pursue what I would love to do though. Teach in a kindergarten. Yup, that's what I would eventually like to get involved with. Seems unlikely for a person suffering from OCD like me? Oh well.

I am actually a sucker for kids and dogs. And right now I have neither. *sulk*

Since I have none of my own, I could resort to 2 things - a) get a job that would require me to work with them; and b) steal some poor unassuming mother's cute bundle of joy when she bends down to pick up the pacifier. The latter might land me in some trouble with the law, so for now, I will go with the more rational choice. 

I have no qualification and just very lil' experience working with kids. I have loads of patience and compassion though. Would that be sufficient to get me a job that I would enjoy and help me pay my bills while I live in my childhood room in my parents house?

moving and shaking?

I have been contemplating a lot lately about moving out of Klang. Don't get me wrong, I quite enjoy coming back home to my aunt and the kids and having someone ask me how my day was. I also enjoy the fact that my laundry takes care of itself and I almost always have food waiting for me no matter what time I reach home.

So what is bothering me?

The TRAFFIC JAM!!!!

I love my job, but every morning I dread the journey. I can't wait to be home after work, yet i procrastinate the journey as long as I can... This can't be healthy.

My mom offers her kind words of "Some day they will invent a flying car", but I don't think I can last till that day comes. I'm miserable... The jam is killing me! Its also getting very expensive.

Thus I am contemplating... I need to figure things out.


Damn! I sure feel like every Lamp Post and Divider is laughing at me! =(

Thursday, July 15, 2010

lost

that's me!

I don't know what I want! How can an adult 28 year old me as clueless as I am?

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

weddings!

*This is a way outdated post! It was sitting in my inbox for some reason I don't remember now!*


So many of them within the last one month! I do try to go for all of 'em, but time n money seems to get in the way.

22 May 2010
Boon's wedding. It was simple, private and a cosy affair. I liked the fact that mostly everyone knew each other. More importantly, the bride and groom know everyone who attended.Well, I guess in this case, its big things comes in small packages!

I have been to weddings where there are so many people, u wonder whether the state election is going on... I also don't get the concept of parents inviting their classmates who they last saw 20 years ago. Mini reunion supposedly. Why use the kid's wedding? That's why they have the much dreaded high school reunions.Attend those instead.

29th May 2010
GP's Wedding. It was all the way in Kulim. A big noisy one. This was on the groom's side. She is having another ceremony in the church next week but i will not be able to make it because I would be heading to JB for the Bugfest! Cant wait!

It was nice to meet up and hang out with GP, Bhavani, Mala and Puns... It was a fun road trip, esp with Vicky tagging along when we were headed there. So, ONE down many more to go. I have a weird feeling that the next one in line is Mala! =)

26th June 2010
Tak Heng's Wedding. The Form 6 Gang meet up. It was in Ipoh, a restaurant in Menglembu. Aaahh... can't believe we have all grown up! The boy now has a wife!!! We did not attend the tea ceremony because according to Tak Heng it was a very private affair among only family memebers. It was so small that he didn't even have the whole "heng dai"/"chi mui" thingy.

His dinner was big! A huge crowd! Went around a couple of time to look for parking!


Aaahh... Weddings... I used to quite like attending weddings. I liked everything about it! The bride, the decorations, the antics of the guests... Yes, I USED to. Now I find it plain annoying. Don't get me wrong. Its not because of any external reasons. I am truly happy for all those friends of mine!! I am!! I guess the reason I am annoyed is that because, "its not me". At least not yet, I hope. How long more do I have to wait? When is my SHREK (I kinda think he is super cool!) gonna come?

*sigh*

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

my (personal) to do list:

Reading:
1) Finish "Life of Pi" - I honestly cant wait to know the ending. The beginning of this book is rather dry. I was reading at one page a day because for some unknown reason, I felt the story was just not moving. Once you get pass the initial 20% of the book, the story really picks up. That book, borrowed from Raj, who highly recommended it, followed me everywhere! I still cant believe it is taking me so long just to finish one book. Anyways, in one of those follow-me-everywhere trip, I left the book at home in Ipoh. Mom just brought it back to me last weekend (after her reading it, of course). I have another 10% to go! That's the plan for the weekend.

2) Finish "Twilight" - This was a fluke.

This post is a bit delayed, now i realised...

I have actually gotten done with both the above task!! (update: 6 July 2010)