Tuesday, April 28, 2009

moment of weakness...

She woke up feeling apprehensive. What did she get herself into now? Isn't this exactly what she was wanting to avoid for 2 months?

She cannot deny the attraction. What makes it worse is the comfort she finds in his company.

She likes being in control; to know exactly how things are and what to expect. Nope, not someone who is delighted by surprises. Everything to be planned and if possible, micro-managed.

And this morning, she feels like she is not in control. This person she woke up as is different. This new person feels things, a bit more than necessary. This new person is not analysing the night. This new person made a decision she will never make. This new person has opened herself up and had put her heart out in a platter. And this new person is Happy. Yea, stupid new person is feeling HAPPY.

Stupid Happy person. Where did the skeptic go?

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

my wolf-headed gladiolus!

The is the pattern I had picked for my tattoo! Its on my right shoulder blade... Damn! I feel like a kid with a candy!

Friday, April 17, 2009

i'm getting inked!

Early this year, I made up my mind that I am gonna get a tattoo. I told my parents (so that they will not have the shock of their life and disown me), picked my design, consulted my friends who have gotten tattoo about the size and colour, and also looked for a tattoo artist... I had this obsession for weeks! All was set except that no one had a decent tattoo artist to recommend me... After a couple more weeks, the excitement simmered down and the urgency was reduced to the back of my mind...

Initially, I did not particularly had a design on my mind, but i knew i wanted something that meant - courage. I first decided on a phoenix. However, all the pictures/design that i found of the phoenix was fiery! And everyone I know tells me that I don't need anymore "fire" in me. *rolls eyes

I wanted, then, something that not only said courage, but also calmness. I think I need calmness more than fire. Especially now that I have been getting all worked up and am always angry. I searched and search (I think I spent 4 days looking for something that screamed - Joshini!). Finally I found one picture - its an assimilation of a gladiolus and a wolf. It actually will depend on the angle and the person that sees it. And it means - calmness, inner strength & self-confidence. Yup, exactly what I want.

Adrian has fixed an appointment for me with his tattoo artist! Today! Just like that! So impromptu! So I basically have no choice but to do it...

My appointment is at 7.30pm tonite. Im excited! N scard at the same time! Phew...

Monday, April 13, 2009

complementing & considering

You know how people always say that you wont appreciate what you have until u've lost it? It's interesting how no matter how much or how often you hear it, you will never realise the impact of it until it actually happens to you.

It has not happen to me per say. But a person who was once close to me is experiencing it now.

He was in a relationship with a girl for 2 years. She was crazy about him, where as he always treated her with apprehension. The weirdest thing was that for the 25 years of her life, she never believed in love. She used to tell her mom, "Any relationship is about complementing and considering. If there is love, its bonus". When other little girls were dreaming of how their wedding day would look like, this little girl was dreaming of her high-flying job that comes with a corner office, and that pays for her Peugeot and Spa Holidays.

No one had any idea what was it about him that had her smitten. He was a typical Alpha-Male. The I-bring-food-to-the-table, I-dont show-emotions, I-know-no-feelings type of a person.

She had only wanted his attention, but for her he had none to spare. She was the best she could be for him, but all that didn't seem to matter to him. At least not at that time when they were together. He never made an effort for Valentine's day. New Years, birthdays, anniversaries passes by - none memorable. She paid for her share (split down to the last cent) when they went on holidays together. If he pays for the toll, she will end up paying for the petrol. For her car. Yup, she would not only drive both of them to the destination, she would also pay for her share.

But all that didn't matter to her; she wasn't interested in any of material stuff (which hardly came by anyways) because she was capable of getting her own stuff. All she wanted was to be lavished with attention, for her to feel special and to be cared for.

She was still waiting for that fateful day to come by when he dropped the bomb. He wanted to split. He needed time to sort out his stuff because he doesn't know what he wants. He tells her this after 2 years, after spending Christmas at her parent's place.

2 months down the road, he wants her back. He tells her that he never realised how much he loved her. Love? What love? Because she is reminded that all relationship is nothing more than 'complementing and considering'.

"to watch list"

And presenting you... my To Watch List...! In random order of course!

1) American History X
2) Trainsporting
3) Before Sunrise
4) Bandit Queen
5) Brokeback Mountain
6) Kids
7) The Holiday

My To Go List is all jumbled up... Hhmm...

Thursday, April 2, 2009

my stupid heart...

You keep your guards up. You are not ready to be exposed; you don’t want to appear weak… You put on this fa├žade that nothing affects you. Or at least u try to…

You thrive on to keep your wall on an upright position. Nope, no peeking. Not even a small hole, in case anyone should be able to catch a glimpse of your oh-so-vulnerable heart…

You convince others that you r strong, when the truth is, no one needs to be convinced more than you yourself.

You answer the question “what were u expecting?” with “No expectations” but that’s the answer of your mind. Because your brain knows best. Your stupid heart will expect and if it was left up to her, she will expose u, the real u…

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

My Lists!

I have just started with "Angels & Demons", the book. I am determined to finish it before the movie comes out. I am a reader... I've been reading ever since I could phrase sentences together (Ok... maybe thats a bit of an exaggeration, but i did start reading from a very very young age).

"Angels & Demons" is the 6th book on my "To Read List". Yes, me being me, I not only have a "To Do List", I actually have "To Read List", "To Visit List" and "To Watch List". I know, some of my friends are pretty sure that I am suffering from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). But this is not because of OCD. Its just my way of keeping track of all the things that I want to do. I've only taken it a step further by organising them in their own category. =)

To Read List:
1) Sisters - Done
2) The Colossus Crisis - Done
3) Chasing Harry Winston - Done
4) The Anansi Boys - Done
5) P/S: I love you - Just got done
6) Angels & Demons

my list have come to an end... Nobody has recommended any good read recently. I guess its time to expand the list... Let me know if anyone has any suggestions!